


All In

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Fluff, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Organized Crime, Romance, a little bit of action, alternative universe, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 03:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: Park Chanyeol, the young and quite spoiled technician of an association dabbling in fraud, has a problem. The problem isn't called Jongdae, but it's close enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ~ this was originally written for the [dinoandtiger](http://dinoandtiger.livejournal.com/) fest~  
> I realize this sound like a serious mafia story, but it really isn't, I promise :D  
> Have fun reading ♥

 

"Chanyeol?"  
The question crackled through the headset he was wearing and Chanyeol immediately perked up, turned his chair around and in one fluid motion, rolled towards the several monitors poised on his desk, peeking out like towers from the technical mess piling on the ground.  
He was about to ask 'yes, what is it?' when he saw the blue dot labelled with an equally blue 'dino' on a monitor of otherwise white names and still equalizers, telling him that the currently active channel belonged to their newest addition, Kim Jongdae.  
"Are you bored again?" Chanyeol asked instead, an expression of fond exasperation on his face. He adjusted the headset nonetheless and maximized Jongdae's camera footage, keeping the others on the second monitor.  
"Ah, I'm hurt. Here I was, just wanting to talk to you-"  
"During a job. You're terrible, Jongdae." Chanyeol retorted, but it lacked venom.  
"It's what I do, you know that." the swift reply crackled through the microphone and with a frown, Chanyeol pushed around the equalizers, fine tuning the audio quality. It wasn't something he usually did, but seeing as Jongdae loved to abuse their communication system for private chats, he could at least try to prevent getting a headache.  
"I get the feeling that you just talk to me because I'm the only one unable to block your com."  
With a few clicks, he had the screen split up, showing Jongdae's first person footage on the right and a grainy, but at least colored, security cam point of view on the left. The pristine lobby was ridiculously huge and all kinds of employees and visitors mingled around, all wearing suits. Still, Chanyeol knew what to look for and found Jongdae, equally dressed up and casually occupying the one of the seats, a phone pressed to his ear.  
Even with the awful quality, he could see him smiling widely.  
"Maybe."  
"Ah... one day, you'll get us killed." Chanyeol absently said, his eyes flitting over the screens of Minseok, Luhan and Jongin. Everyone was still in position.  
"Don't worry, Rapunzel. I think you're safe in your castle."  
"Jongdae..." Chanyeol whined, worriedly checking the security cam, but no one seemed to pay him even the slightest attention. Jongdae was one of their so-called door-to-door salesmen and his preferred method of operation was to fake talking to people over the phone while he scoped out his surroundings, looking inconspicuous. And Chanyeol swore that he had actually faked it, on the first couple of jobs, for he had barely heard a peep of him. When he had started actually chatting Chanyeol up remained a mystery.  
"I see you know my name. I'm honored."  
"You're distracting me!" Chanyeol said, fingers drumming against the edge of the desk.  
"From what, Game of Thrones?"  
He spluttered, almost ripping some wired hardware off the desk.  
"That's not true!"  
Jongdae laughed, the distinct sound of hearty laughter distorting the audio transmission he was beginning to get really familiar with.  
"Nice attempt, but I heard your chair rolling over the floor. Which episode are you on by now?"  
"Second season, episode five." Chanyeol grudgingly admitted, swinging in his chair to let his eyes flit over to the giant flatscreen behind him that was bright enough to light up most of the room. It currently showed some people traveling and the subtitles told him that supposedly epic music was playing. With a sigh, he pressed the pause button on his remote control to give Jongdae his utmost attention.  
"Don't rat me out." he warned him with a pout. Sure, he would have stopped watching as soon as their job actually began, but even with him being the golden child of their union, he knew Junmyeon wouldn't be too happy knowing that their technical backup was stuck watching people slaughter each other on-screen instead of doing his job.  
"I would never. Just hurry up, so we can watch the third season together - I'm dying here, holding it off for you!"  
"If you give me a spoiler about who else is dying in the show, I'll cut your com off-"  
"What kind of monster do you think I am? Oh, client is coming, talk to you later!"  
And with this, Jongdae lowered the phone he had been holding up for show and Chanyeol was left with nothing but faint, soft breathing through the microphone fixed behind one of the tiny buttons on Jongdae's button down collar.  
Chanyeol watched the businessman escort him over the cams and sent a quick ping to the others, signalizing the start of the job. He was always wary talking to Jongdae during a job, always worrying he might expose himself or get too distracted. But now that he'd abruptly left Chanyeol alone to the quiet buzzing of the machines around him, he felt the boredom returning quickly, bringing an unconscious pout to his lips.

 

It had been a few months since Kim Jongdae had joined 'Lucky', one of the hundreds of unions the dirty part of the city sheltered. Changing unions was not unheard of, but frowned at nonetheless. After all, there was always the risk of becoming the victim of a scam; ironic, considering that fraud was their specialty. Whole unions -or street gangs, if you preferred the term the tabloids used to frighten the public- had been extinguished or assimilated from the inside because they didn't choose their members with enough care. Lucky’s leader Junmyeon, however, had an excellent eye for people and Chanyeol had never doubted any of his fellow members. Their biggest strength was their social cohesion; everyone trusted Junmyeon's judgment and therefore everyone trusted each other. It may sound small, but in a world full of deceit, it was incredibly valuable and had saved them all more than once.  
They had rather few members, too, with Junmyeon stating that he preferred a good overview on everyone.  
Unlike Jongdae, Chanyeol had never decided to belong to Lucky, not really. Rather, he'd been adopted at the age of ten, taken in by their former leader Leeteuk. Chanyeol still feels immensely grateful for that - after all, most people would have simply cut off his hand if they caught a puny little kid during a horrible attempt of deceit. But miraculously, Leeteuk had seen the skinny little brat shaking, throwing perpetual glances back to where his father had been impatiently waiting for his son to distract them. They hadn't killed his parents that day (bloody murder was hard to cover up and was something to avoid), but Chanyeol had never heard of them again, and wasn't too sad about it. After all, Lucky mostly dealt with scams and preferred to stay away from blood, kidnapping or crippled bodies - instead it was all about suits, charming smiles and faked signatures. And besides occasionally acting as someone's kid, Chanyeol did nothing but watch and learn.

Lucky had become his home, and the slightly older boy Junmyeon turned from being miffed over having to share his title of the golden kid to proudly embracing his older brother status and spoiling Chanyeol rotten. And while he enjoyed the love and attention, Chanyeol used to constantly turn everything into a little competition between them. He wanted to be of use for the union, too. Unfortunately, he didn't possess Junmyeon's sweet smile and composed posture - not even his observant eyes. Chanyeol was just too emotional, too clumsy and impulsive; not a bad actor per se, but still bad at lying. He was really getting miserable about it when one of their former members discovered Chanyeol had a certain knack for technology. He became the union's residential hacker and technical support; a vital role that suited both his frayed attention span and uncanny curiosity as he kept an overview on everyone instead of focusing on one task only.

Even now, with Junmyeon leading the union and plenty of newer and younger members, Chanyeol remained the family's precious little gem. Chanyeol had the distinct feeling that Junmyeon was rubbing off on the others, infecting them with his urge to spoil their so-called little tiger baby. Maybe he sat down with new members on their first day, under a dangling lamp for effect, and made them swear to be nice to Chanyeol. It was a little embarrassing, but sadly not that absurd of an idea. Yes. Maybe that was the reason their new member Jongdae was so keen on conversing and making friends with him.

  
Jongdae was rather short, but just like Baekhyun -their best door-to-door man- he was not to be underestimated. Like everyone working on outside duty, he was pretty fit and had quick reflexes. So Chanyeol sneaked down the dark hallway in socks, towards his surveillance room. The door was slightly ajar, just like he'd left it behind. What Jongdae didn't know, however, was that Junmyeon usually paced down the corridor everyday around nine in the evening, closing the door whenever he found it opened. Chanyeol grinned at the little triumph. Jongdae wouldn't dare looking into the dark hallway, but he'd probably wait right next to the door, scaring the shit out of him the moment he entered.  
But not today, on his territory.  
Very quietly, he crouched down next to the door, holding his breath as he sneaked his hand inside the room, at ankle height. If it wasn't for the machines buzzing in standby mode, Jongdae would have certainly heard him ages ago. Chanyeol had monitored him enough to know Jongdae never pressed to the wall directly unless necessary - wise precaution in case he hit an alarm or light switch. He still stuck his tongue between his teeth, his fingers soundlessly skimming the wall until he found the low switch and pressed it. The huge flat screen filling half of the wall flickered on in a blinding white, a resounding ping echoing off the narrow walls. Chanyeol used the split second of confusion to jump to his feet and into the room, shouting a loud 'Hello!' right into Jongdae's startled face. He flinched away from Chanyeol with a barely audible yelp, almost stumbling over a cable. Chanyeol was shaking with laughter, leaning against the door and swinging it back and forth.  
Jongdae's startled expression changed into one of a mock pout.  
"Aww man, I knew I should have let the door close!" he exclaimed with a shake of his head. Chanyeol was still grinning, dimming the screen with a few taps on a nearby remote control.  
"You're slacking!" Chanyeol singsonged, pushing his chair to the side of the room in order to create a clear view on the wall his projector was currently displaying his home screen to. Jongdae just shrugged.  
"Maybe you're getting better. Sneaking up on me like a real tiger cub." he teased back and Chanyeol puffed up his cheeks while clicking through his folders.  
"I thought I was a giraffe?"  
"With the potential of becoming a tiger."  
It was something Kyuhyun, the former tech assistant who'd trained Chanyeol until he could expand his skills himself, had started. He'd saved Chanyeol under the username 'tiger cub', alluding to the ratty old plush tiger he'd owned when he joined them, stating that tigers were his favorite animal (in a fit of jealousy, Junmyeon demanded a cool username of his own and had been stuck with 'Little Mouse' ever since).  
When Chanyeol was old enough to handle the system himself, he deleted the cub part, but fondly kept the tiger. It quickly became a thing and today, on Chanyeol's monitors, everyone had his or her nickname. There was 'rabbit', standing for Baekhyun, fox for Soojung, squirrel for Minseok and many more. Everyone knew about those nicknames and while some chose their own (like Baekhyun), there had been no doubt for Chanyeol that Jongdae should be named dino, and dino it was. The others had argued that he should be a dolphin, referring to his loud laugh but no, Chanyeol had said, Jongdae was short, sturdy and had a jawline that just said 'dino'. Period.  
Said dino was currently spreading out a few blankets and cushions on the floor, making himself comfortable.  
"Is your mom gonna check up on us?" he asked casually, reaching into his backpack for a bottle of coke. They'd already established that neither of them felt the need for alcohol.  
"Nah, Junmyeon's probably sitting in some fancy restaurant, taking his girlfriend out."  
"Aww, are you getting a new mom?" Jongdae began, before realizing how insensitive this sounded towards a person who’d been more or less thrown away by his parents.  
"Not that Junmyeonnie alone isn't good enough." he added, trying his best to save the situation. Chanyeol wasn't in any way offended, but seeing the otherwise so smart-mouthed Jongdae struggle was a little too much fun.  
"U-huh? You’re not very decisive, are you? I thought Junmyeon was my mom?" he asked in mock-offense.  
"Only before noon. Not that you need someone to make you breakfast and wake you up. Though Junmyeon would do that." he rattled nervously and yes, he was totally the guy to make his situation weirder by not shutting up.  
Chanyeol raised a brow at him before the imposing opening of Game of Thrones filled the room. He switched off the light, pushed a chair aside and settled next to Jongdae on the blankets before finally saving the poor guy from his misery.  
"Relax, I'm not offended, I can take a joke for what it is." he said, giving him a friendly nudge before reaching for the coke.  
Jongdae actually did visibly relax and the sight was oddly endearing. Maybe it was all due to the fact that people loved to tease Chanyeol and Jongdae made no exception - but unlike, say, Baekhyun, Jongdae's jokes were never even remotely harmful. Seeing someone who was genuinely considerate towards his feelings (and not because Junmyeon was giving them the stare) was flattering. Then again, Jongdae loved to flatter him.  
"It never ceases to amaze me what little space your legs need. One second they're endless, the next you fold them up and bam, adorable puppy."  
And he did it so damn casually that Chanyeol never knew what to think or how to react. In the end, he settled on protesting half-heartedly and rummaging through Jongdae's backpack for something edible. It was something that occupied Chanyeol's thoughts quite a lot and even though his current attention was almost completely occupied by the happenings on-screen, a tiny part of him was captured by the presence next to him. Chanyeol wasn't a lonely person, but most people he spent time with outside work had been members of their union for years and were like family. Jongdae wasn't quite like family yet; something about him was still new, unpredictable and, quite frankly, it excited him a little. Chanyeol blinked the thought away, concentrating on the people on screen, swallowing the quickened heartbeat with a mouthful of popcorn. He just had to get used to Jongdae, it was going to happen eventually.  
"Huh. That's not exactly exciting dirty talk." Jongdae commented dryly and Chanyeol reached for more popcorn. Another thing that made him nervous. Seeing the naked woman writhing and moaning did absolutely nothing to him, but he was always nervous about other people calling him out on it. He'd started to avoid watching adult material in the presence of others for that reason and Junmyeon had encouraged him for trying to stay 'pure' in this supposedly evil world. Being through two seasons of Game of Thrones should be proof enough - Chanyeol was far from pure; but that didn't mean he was able to share the enthusiasm over boobs and sweaty skin. Even in this department, Jongdae was peculiar. A side glance told him that he was currently watching the scene with mild interest. No forced macho behavior, no shy awkwardness - just neutral, mild interest. It was a look mirroring how Chanyeol felt towards the scene and that was odd. Cause Jongdae couldn't be like him. The look of friendly interest was turned towards him and Chanyeol rapidly looked back to the screen.  
"What, am I more interesting than the porn? Because that would be pretty flattering." Jongdae cheekily said and Chanyeol only replied that it wasn't too hard, considering how unattractive the actors were. Jongdae bickered back about how the girl was the prettiest in the entire series and just like that, the tension was gone because that's what Jongdae did best - reading the mood and smoothing it over. Though he obviously wasn't able to sooth what he couldn't see. There were things he couldn't possibly know and those were the ones causing Chanyeol uneasiness. It was a feeling that didn't dissolve until Jongdae had fallen asleep halfway through the episode, head cutely lowered and lips barely parted. The sight made Chanyeol smile. He had actually told Jongdae to take it easy but no, the stubborn boy had been so sure that he'd be up for a movie night, even though he'd just returned from a job. Chanyeol watched the rest of the episode on his own and sent his devices into standby. The perpetual buzzing of various machines slowly died down and the silence alone gave him the impression that it was incredibly late. It was hard to keep a good grasp of time when you spent most of your time in a windowless room. He stretched his arms over his head, looking down at Jongdae. It looked good on him, this look of complete relaxation. He knelt down, studying his face just a second longer. Jongdae was always so expressive, so full of life. It was funny, because people usually said that about himself, and while they didn't particularly dislike him, the number of people willing to put up with him for any period longer than a few hours was ridiculously small; he was too loud, to overwhelming, too 'all over the place', as Kyungsoo had one day called it before shooing him away. Jongdae had never voiced any complaints and even though they hadn't known each other for long, Jongdae continuously seeked him out, asking to get lunch together, to have movie nights or simply hang out. Even when he was dead-tired, he'd stop by Chanyeol's room whenever he was in the main building, just to say hi.  
Maybe he really wanted them to be friends. Chanyeol sincerely hoped it was just that and with a soundless sigh, he tried to collect the snacks to avoid Jongdae waking up with his head in the bag of popcorn. Unfortunately, Jongdae startled awake as soon as he did so much as touching the plastic bag.  
"What time is it?" he mumbled, vainly trying to blink the sleep away.  
"Not even midnight." Chanyeol hummed, stashing away the food. Jongdae groaned lowly.  
"Shit. Sorry. We can watch another episode-"  
"Pfft, I think you obviously need your beauty sleep." Chanyeol gave back teasingly and Jongdae whined childishly. If it was meant to be a sincere protest, it was definitely ruined by the sleep making his voice all scratchy.  
"But I didn't even fall asleep on your shoulder! Where's the fun in that?"  
Chanyeol chuckled almost nervously, but didn't verbally reply. Instead, he changed the topic and coaxed a protesting Jongdae to stay over at his place. He knew that Jongdae lived in another city district and letting him crawl home at this hour when he was this tired didn't sit right with him.  
"No, no, no... won't Junmyeon fry me alive when he sees me walking out of your apartment?" Jongdae protested, but the excuse was flimsy, even for him. After all, Chanyeol had the whole 7th floor to himself - their headquarters were only this unreasonably big because the building had been abandoned. The first four stories had once been inhabited by a company of some sort, the five above them were simple apartment buildings. The whole complex was Junmyeon's biggest treasure and so it was kept alive, even with very few inhabitants. The only people truly living in there were Junmyeon himself, on the top floor, Chanyeol, one of the two housekeepers -an old woman- and a mother with her three kids on the fifth floor. It was undeniably risky to live in the main quarters of a union, but Junmyeon occasionally took pity on people, offering them some place to stay until they could afford to move out. Long story short - Junmyeon would hardly notice Jongdae sleeping over, and even if he did, Chanyeol was 23 for god's sake, only four years younger than Junmyeon himself. He definitely shouldn't tell him what to do anymore.  
Chanyeol nonchalantly pulled at the blankets and Jongdae pouted.  
"Come on. It's not like he's gonna find you naked in my bed." he said jokingly.  
Jongdae's eyes were twinkling, the tiredness suddenly forgotten.  
"Because it's not gonna happen or because he doesn't have a key?" he asked cheekily and Chanyeol decided to drop all the blankets on him in retaliation, burying the shorter one in them. Jongdae only laughed and Chanyeol turned away so he wouldn't catch his own, strained smile. It was hard to ignore Jongdae's advances, but even more so to ignore the excited flutter in his stomach. He really had to though. There was absolutely no way he could afford feeling anything above platonic friendship for Jongdae. No way.

  
The thing about Jongdae was that Chanyeol never knew with him.  
With Jongdae, everything was light, playful and fun. Even serious topics were all wrapped up in jokes and decorated with a kittenish smile. Chanyeol was at a loss. Was he really serious about all the flirting? Because if he was, Chanyeol should draw the line this instant and put out the flame before it could grow into something, _anything_ , really. But as it was, Chanyeol still wasn't a hundred percent sure that Jongdae was seriously romantically interested. Alright, maybe he wasn't even trying very hard to confront him about it and instead enjoyed whatever it was as long as it lasted. Giving in to Jongdae was extremely tempting and that was probably the reason they found themselves in an ice cream parlor a week later, with Jongdae insisting on feeding Chanyeol spoonfuls of his citrus-flavored ice cream.  
Chanyeol's face scrunched into a grimace at the sour taste and Jongdae cooed.  
"Too sour? You don't like sour stuff?"  
Chanyeol shook his head like a dog.  
"I do! Kind of. In an odd, masochistic way. Let me just revive my taste buds..." Chanyeol mumbled, eating a generous spoonful of his own sickeningly sweet white chocolate ice cream. He saw the other's eyes following the spoon, and the nervousness returned. Sadly, Chanyeol was messy when it came to food but he studiously avoided Jongdae's gaze when he licked the excess cream off his lips. He wouldn't want to give mixed signals. He only raised his gaze when Jongdae's hand came forward, pointer finger swiping over the rim of Chanyeol's cup to collect a bit of the melted cream.  
"Since you're not going to feed me, I gotta get it myself, huh?" he quipped, sucking the white cream off his finger, tongue peeking out for a second. Chanyeol stared at him, wide-eyed.  
"Pretty... sweet." Jongdae mumbled, his voice an octave lower than usual, and with a hitch of his breath, Chanyeol jumped to his feet, rattling the table in the process and effectively killing the atmosphere.  
"Gotta go. Bathroom. I'll be right back." he stammered, hoping that Jongdae wouldn't notice the way his legs wobbled.  
The next five minutes were spent with Chanyeol awkwardly staring at his reflection in the mirror that looked as helpless as he felt. Damn his emotions- and himself for that matter, for having so much difficulty hiding them.  
_Who am I kidding, he **is** trying to get into my pants_.  
With a low whine, he began to wash his hands, just to keep his hands busy and look a tiny bit less suspicious, staring down his reflection like an angsty teenager.  
Alright, Jongdae isn't a jerk. He probably wants more than just that.  
As if it would matter - both poised a problem either way.  
If Jongdae was the type for actual, committed long term-relationships or not hardly mattered.  
He had to tell him.

 

"Okay, so what about this one?" Jongdae asked with a blinding smile.  
"I really don't think I need-" Chanyeol began, but the clothes hangers were all but shoved into his arms, and before he knew it, he stood in a changing room, holding a complete ensemble in his hands.  
"All of this?" he asked in disbelief.  
"Wouldn't want to half-ass things, would we?" Jongdae merrily replied, and it sounded like he'd already taken a few steps away. With a sigh, Chanyeol complied.  
Of course he hadn't told him. And why? Because he was a fucking coward.  
And maybe selfish, too.  
Jongdae was so nice. And funny.  
He never laughed at Chanyeol's enthusiasm or childishness, he encouraged it. Who else would do silly things with him like strolling down a high fashion clothing store to try on random outfits? Alright, maybe Baekhyun. But Baekhyun would have simply shopped for himself, going through a ton of outfits while Chanyeol waited like a forgotten husband. Since they were here to buy something for Jongdae, who claimed that he was running out of formal wear for his jobs, Chanyeol expected it to be somewhat the same. But Jongdae was quick to pick an outfit and store it in one of the cabins, before prancing around and picking out some of the most adventurous pieces of clothing he could find for Chanyeol, and now Chanyeol was closing the buttons of a shiny, black dress shirt with thin stripes of grey and ivory - at least that's what the sales assistant had called the color. Chanyeol called it beige.  
A long, helpless look at the tie in his hands later, he tossed the equally black and shiny but checkered strip of fabric aside, in favor of putting on the gray ensemble of dress pants and a suit. He'd even picked out a matching vest, what in the world...  
Chanyeol felt like he was cosplaying a gentleman from the 50's or something. Right on cue, a knock on the wall of his cabin startled him out of his reverie.  
"You done?"  
"Uuuh..." said Chanyeol intelligently with a guilty look at the tie lying on top of the bundle of clothes he just changed out of, "just a sec. I forgot about the tie!"  
He laughed nervously, and picked it up again. Held it around his neck. Hesitated. Somehow pulled the loose ends through the loop... hesitated again.  
If Junmyeon would see him now, he'd never let him live it down that he had yet again forgotten how to properly tie a tie.  
_Just because you're not operating outside doesn't mean that you're excused of this - every man should know how to knot a tie! Chanyeol, please._  
Yes, he could hear his nagging voice quite clearly.  
He got frustrated at the third attempt, and flung it aside.  
Jongdae sounded nothing but chipper.  
"I even brought you a-"  
He stopped in his tracks when Chanyeol pulled open the curtain, breath caught for just a very brief moment.  
"-hat." he ended, lightly waving said accessory with one hand, though his gaze was still taking in Chanyeol's appearance quite intensely. For a moment, Chanyeol feared things might turn awkward again, but in the blink of an eye, Jongdae turned the atmosphere around.  
"This looks ridiculously good on you, but where's the tie?" he asked, already wriggling himself inside the cabin and pulling the curtain behind him. Chanyeol's breath hitched nervously as the shorter one unceremoniously placed the hat on his hair before reaching around him for the tie. There was not enough space. This was bad. There was Jongdae all around him and with calm precision, he looped the tie around Chanyeol's neck.  
"Time for me to show off a bit. I learnt this really fancy knot and never got around to using it..."  
With swift movements, he pulled at the silken cloth, and Chanyeol tried really hard not to stare. Jongdae was really handsome. Even in the white, artificial light from the cheap lamp above their heads. On top of the charming features he was coming to memorize suspiciously well and the faint scent of cologne, he was dressed in the clothes he'd picked out earlier. A crisp, black shirt, black pants and a sleek tie. Usually, Jongdae would slip out of his working clothes before greeting Chanyeol and seeing them in person was definitely... different. It made him look different. Like he could go from playful, comfortable movie nights to engulfing him in a tight, secure hug, hiding him away from the world.  
Fingertips brushed against his skin, and Chanyeol's breath hitched yet again, quite pathetically. He wanted to squirm, but it would ruin whatever little piece of art Jongdae was working on.  
As if on cue, Jongdae's eyes flit up to meet his, small smile tugging at his curled lips, mild but still playful. His insides jolted and fuck, _he really was crushing on him_. The actual realization hit him in that tiny, insignificant moment, and it felt like something was stuck in his throat, all sharp edges, stinging viciously and refusing to move.  
"I think it turned out pretty well, not to seem cocky." Jongdae proudly said, and with both hands on Chanyeol's upper arms, he maneuvered the other around so he could face himself in the mirror.  
"See?"  
Chanyeol's fingers immediately flew up to brush against the intricate knot. The three, neatly intertwined ends definitely did look unique.  
"That looks so complicated, but pretty cool." he admitted, and he'd show more enthusiasm if he wasn't still battling the painful feelings seemingly clogging his airpipe. Jongdae didn't seem deterred and reached around to let his own finger trail over the knot, completely casual about the unnecessary body contact.  
"It's called a trinity knot, cause, obviously, there are three ends." he hummed, and was his other hand tightening around his arm?  
"I guess being bored can lead to useful stuff as well. I bet I can tie the prettiest ribbons around presents soon."  
"Y-yeah." Chanyeol mumbled and felt cornered.  
"Aren't we a fantastic duo now?" Jongdae continued, happily squeezing himself in between the mirror and Chanyeol, who took it with a strained smile, and their gazes locked through the mirror.  
"The short ones go to the front," he stated, eyeing both of them in certain satisfaction, and blissfully ignoring Chanyeol's frozen state.  
"At least no one ever had to search for me in group photos. Though I bet a tall person invented this policy, so they could rest their heads on the shorter ones. Can you rest on my head already? Or just the shoulder? Sometimes I feel like you could do both; you're so freakishly tall." he rambled on, and unwilling to disappoint him, Chanyeol tried to place his chin on the other's head, but it was kind of a strain - Jongdae wasn't _that_ short - so he settled for the shoulder. It was nice and way too intimate, so he withdrew immediately after.  
"You're not short enough, so the shoulder it is." he mumbled, ready to just get out of this cabin with a flimsy excuse, when Jongdae's head bumped against his collarbones and bright eyes looked up at him.  
"Your hat's askew." he said, voice all throaty from his position, and without an ounce of shame, Jongdae reached up to righten it, hands all but cupping his curls as Chanyeol obediently lowered his head. It brought their faces closer together, but then the hat almost slipped and Jongdae, laughing, scrambled to catch it. They both tumbled, bodies pressed together, and he could feel Jongdae from top to bottom and-  
"No-" Chanyeol uttered breathily, one hand keeping Jongdae at a distance while the other plucked the hat off himself. Jongdae stilled instantly, a look of concern flashing over his features. In order to not create an awkward pause, Chanyeol pushed the hat on Jongdae's head instead.  
"I think it suits you better. You should wear it."  
With those awkward words he left the cabin, shakily encouraging Jongdae to get some advice from the sales assistant.  
He ignored the unreadable gaze Jongdae wore.

It got better when there was a sufficient amount of space between them, but it didn't really change anything. Park Chanyeol was crushing on Kim Jongdae and that was a really fucking bad idea.  
They paid for the clothes - not that Chanyeol actually bought anything, he simply posed for a few snaps taken by Jongdae acting like a professional photographer - and slowly made their way home after that, idly passing by shops and pointing out whatever caught their attention. Still, Chanyeol felt different, awkward, and Jongdae apparently picked up on it, because near the entrance of a park leading up to Chanyeol's home, he stilled in his tracks. Chanyeol felt ridiculously nervous under the other’s gaze, though Jongdae wasn't necessarily intimidating. He looked rather... puzzled? Frustrated?  
"Look..." he began, still attentively gauging Chanyeol's reaction.  
"Do you realize I'm hitting on you? Just making sure here."  
If Chanyeol had still been chewing on his corndog from earlier, he would've spit it out right that instant. Jongdae patiently waited, as if he hadn't just sort of confessed and messed up Chanyeol's head even further by pushing it for an answer he wasn't quite ready to give.  
"Uh. It. It would be hard not to notice?" he asked, horribly failing at an attempt to mirror the other's casualty. This only added to Jongdae's confusion, and by now, he had his arms crossed and head tilted.  
"Well, I was being subtle at first, but since that was of no use..."  
Chanyeol felt like an animal on display. It may be silly, but for some reason, he felt like Jongdae could see the answer in his eyes. He couldn't. Obviously.  
"I'm sorry, I'm usually more suave than this, but you keep giving me mixed signals." Jongdae explained, not unkindly, and how could he be so open about this?  
"So... look. If you're not into guys, you can just tell me and I'll be off your back." he continued earnestly, and Chanyeol felt the immediate prick of disappointment. Yeah, it was probably easy for Jongdae, to just forget about him.  
"You mind saying something? Like, _anything_? I'm starting to get embarrassed here..." the other mumbled, slight traces of insecurity showing in the way his posture got more and more strained.  
Yes. Jongdae was such an open, nice person. He'd find someone else. Someone more suited. Because, after all, Jongdae was-  
"Right." Chanyeol uttered, lifting his hands in apology, but not daring to meet his eye. Jongdae tried to tilt his head downwards in order to catch Chanyeol's, but the taller one refused to give in.  
"You're right. I'm not into men." he stammered instead.  
From the corner of his eyes, he saw Jongdae dropping his arms by his side. He was afraid of the expression he might wear.  
"I'm sorry. For leading you on, I'm... really sorry." he ended sadly, eyes finally flitting up. He caught a glimpse of surprise, actual embarrassment and dejection, before Jongdae was the one to break eye contact, distractedly looking around the park.  
"Alright." he said, voice steadier than he looked. He licked his lips, nodded to himself and when he faced Chanyeol again, the easy smile was back.  
"Thanks for telling me. I'll see you on Monday."  
With these words, he turned on his heels and waved without looking back. Chanyeol felt like crying.  
Something about his smile was off. And just for noticing it, Chanyeol really hated himself.  
But he hadn't lied, not really. Because Chanyeol didn't _like_ men. At least not in the way society usually phrased it. Then again, society loved to gloss over people like Chanyeol.  
With a sigh, he avoided the park to go to a convenience store instead, fully intending to buy himself a six pack of beer.  
By the second empty can, Chanyeol stopped picturing himself and Jongdae living together.  
Halfway through the third one, he started crying.  
By the end of the fourth one, he'd stopped.  
The fifth one blessed him with the resolution that if he were to never find a partner, he'd at least never have to have sex.  
The six one remained half-finished as Chanyeol dozed off to a mental image of Jongdae, head buried on his arms that rested on the sofa. The world really wasn't fair, but it was neither of their faults.  
It wasn't Jongdae's fault that Chanyeol couldn't have a sexual relationship. And it wasn't Chanyeol's fault that everyone but him needed one.  
  


* * *

  
He hadn't been sure what to expect, but maybe he should have. Jongdae had never appeared to be the dramatic type. After curing his splitting headache over the weekend - being a lightweight could be both a blessing and a curse - Chanyeol went back to work the following week and everything was back to the way it had been two months ago. When Jongdae hadn't been around. He didn't pester him during his job, didn't send him silly messages or screenshots and didn't even turn up after work to greet him. It was all curt and polite communication which was avoided if possible. Chanyeol should feel relieved.  
He felt terrible instead.  
Jongdae had a day off on both Tuesday and Wednesday, giving Chanyeol enough time to regret his decision and moodily swirl in his chair, any type of his usual occupations forgotten.  
That's what he hated about people - it was either friendship or love. And if there had ever been so much as a trace of love, going back to friendship was virtually impossible. Also, love and friendship had to be differentiated. It was fully acceptable to share love with streaks of friendship, but never to share friendship with streaks of love. Because at the end of the day, the only thing differentiating love from friendship was sex, supposedly.

It wasn't something he'd hold against Jongdae per sé, he was simply frustrated in general. Neither was it the first time he'd analyzed this. He'd done so after breaking up with his ex girlfriend, whom he'd never seen again, and after being called _too_ _prudish_ , by a guy whom he thought was more than a fling, but really wasn't. He still occasionally saw that guy, yay for that.  
He sighed, flipping through the observation cameras, but they were about as distracting as they could get, on a day that had almost everyone either preparing for future jobs or simply sitting in their office, in Junmyeon's case. Yes. Maybe he should pay Junmyeon a visit.  
Equipped with one of his tablets, in the unlikely case something happened, he left his office and trotted down the hallway, towards the stairs. Walking around felt good, and by taking the stairs he tried to prolong the feeling as much as possible.  
He wasn't sure what he'd tell Junmyeon. In a way, he was itching to get the secret off his chest, and what better person to trust than Junmyeon? Then again, he'd probably make a much bigger deal out of it than it was. He might even make Jongdae's life hard for supposedly molesting him.  
His train of thought was stopped when he saw Junmyeon's office door closed. Strange. It had been open two minutes ago. A look to his tablet and two taps later, he had Junmyeon's camera on screen. He was in a meeting with some guy wearing both a hood and sunglasses. It wasn’t all that unusual, and if Junmyeon allowed his clients to hide their identity, Chanyeol was the last one to feel alarmed.  
Well, there went his plan of talking to Junmyeon. Too bad.  
" _Hey stalker_." a female voice called out to him, and the smooth English was unmistakable.  
Chanyeol looked up to see the 'fox' of their union, dressed up in casual attire and looking mostly impassive, as usual.  
"Soojung, hey. You know I'm not a stalker." Chanyeol halfheartedly protested, but it was a game they had been playing ever since she joined two years ago.  
"Whatever, fluffy tiger," she brushed him off, absently brushing strands of her long, light brown hair behind her ear, "I was gonna get something to eat, so if you're in for some noodles..."  
Chanyeol was always in for food.  
  


* * *

  
"So, how's the aggressive flirting going between you and dino guy?"  
Chanyeol spluttered, spraying soup on the table under the judging glare of Soojung. Well, it was her fault for starting this, so Chanyeol didn't even feel remotely sorry.  
"There's nothing going on between us." he said, and unfortunately, this was true. Even more unfortunately, everyone knew what a horrible liar he was, and none of their members were stupid.  
"Oh?" Soojung mumbled, tilting her head as she scrutinized him, "even though you probably mean it, you look pretty depressed about it. Got rejected?"  
Chanyeol knew a lost battle when he saw it. With a shrug, he picked up more noodles and stuffed them in his mouth to buy some time.  
"I'd be surprised if he dumped you though. That boy was all over you," Soojung continued, elegantly twirling spaghetti around her fork as she entertained all possibilities, "but maybe he finally realized that you're a little, big ball of dumb. Did he find that ridiculously big, black, floppy hat of yours?"  
" _You_ gave me that one for my birthday!" Chanyeol protested, momentarily forgetting about his predicament. Soojung didn't even blink.  
"And I hope for your sake that you still fucking have it."  
With a sigh, he nodded, picking at a piece of egg he'd saved for a long time already. Soojung always appeared rather cold, bitchy even, but she was part of the family, and Chanyeol had long ago learned to read her supposed moodiness and recognize the caring older sister behind the facade.  
"Of course I do. And no, he didn't dump me. I kind of... kind of put a stop to it." he hesitantly mumbled, studiously avoiding her gaze, though he knew she was wearing the blank, kind of judgemental look right now.  
"What do you mean, 'put a stop to it'? Name the things as they are. You rejected him." she sharply said, and Chanyeol winced guiltily.  
A short pause followed.  
"You actually rejected him? What the fuck? Alright, look - I'm not one of those people who’d tell you to accept just anyone who shows interest in your goofy self, just for the sake of not being alone. That stuff is just pathetic. But name me **one** good reason for dumping this one - and don't tell me you're not into guys, cause that would insult my judgement, honey."  
Chanyeol felt almost physically attacked by now - and they'd reached the state of _endearments_ , an actual physical attack wasn't too far away now.  
"I just. I don't have to like him-" he began, giving up on his pretense of having any focus on his food whatsoever.  
"But you do! You both act like long lost childhood lovers, and you've barely known each other for three months." Soojung deadpanned, food equally forgotten. Chanyeol felt cornered and blamed it on the stress, the remnants of a hangover (he may or may not have emptied another six pack since Monday), or his desperation, but before he knew it, he'd said it.  
"Soojung, I'm asexual."  
The woman blinked, looking mildly surprised.  
"So you're really not a voyeur. You don't get off on watching everyone change through the cams?"  
"Is that really the only thing you have to say to that?!" Chanyeol replied in open exasperation. Soojung didn't even pay him any mind.  
"Wow, that makes so much sense. You're actually the perfect person for this job, then. Does Junmyeon know?"  
"NO. And I'd rather keep it that way - please don't tell anyone, okay?" Chanyeol asked urgently, already deeply regretting having said anything in the first place. Never trust your older siblings. She dismissed his worries with a nonchalant wave of her hand, ignorant of the fork she was still holding, and in turn losing half the noodles draped around it.  
"Oh please. We both know I'm not that much of a bitch." she stated almost absently, as if the challenge of rolling up noodles in midair was that much more exciting than Chanyeol confessing his deepest secret. It was mildly insulting.  
"So you said you rejected him, meaning that you probably didn't even tell him why, am I right?"  
"I just said I'm not into guys."  
Brown eyes flitted from her fork to Chanyeol and he could see the deep, soundless sigh that told him how brainless he was. In capslock.  
"Really now? Really, Park Chanyeol? That's low, even for your standards."  
Upon seeing the dejected look on his face, she finally softened and placed the cutlery aside.  
"You should at least give him a chance. Let him make the choice. Just ask him whether he's cool with this or not." she said, and the way she did it made it sound so easy. Chanyeol wasn't convinced.  
"No one is _cool with this_."  
"How would you know? You're asexual. You have no idea how others value sex. It's not like there's only two types of people - those who don't have sex and those who do it on every surface available at all times." Soojung bluntly replied and while Chanyeol felt a little miffed, he had to admit that she was right. He couldn't really understand how much weight others placed on sex. But the general craving was there. Even if Jongdae were to commit himself to Chanyeol and to call off the idea of ever sleeping with him... it would only lead to hormonal pressure and such, and Jongdae would soon either suffer or seek out other people as an outlet. And call Chanyeol selfish, but while he wasn't willing to have sex, neither was he ready to let his lover sleep around. It was a catch-22 situation.  
"You're thinking too much," Soojung cut in mercilessly, "and whatever you're thinking doesn't change the fact that you can't make this decision for him. If you haven't told him by the end of this week, I'll make you regret it. And you know I can get quite creative."  
Chanyeol shuddered.

 

Despite Soojung's earnest speech, the next Monday rolled by without Chanyeol saying so much as a word of non-work-related things to Jongdae. After the other had kept his distance for one day, Jongdae had quickly returned to more friendly, but still obviously platonic behavior after that. It made Chanyeol feel like he was over it already and like breaching the topic now would be unnecessary. He was kinda glad he didn't when Junmyeon casually entered his office with a special assignment, telling him to get dressed.  
Chanyeol rarely did outside jobs and therefore missed the attire. He tried not to think back to that unlucky day when he'd gone shopping with Jongdae as he closed the buttons of his dress shirt. He'd borrowed the whole ensemble from the only other member around his height, Yifan, who made him swear not to ruin the inconspicuous dress pants which probably cost more than half of Chanyeol's wardrobe put together.  
He didn't wear an actual suit - after all, he was simply posing as an ordinary office worker.  
The mission was to infiltrate a big office building and hack into their system. Chanyeol bugged Junmyeon until he got all the details - the company was supposedly corrupt and an anonymous client, probably a business rival, wanted it unveiled. Now Chanyeol couldn’t care less about morals and left the judgement of clients to others, but the more information he had, the better. After all, it was him doing the essential work here. Externally hacking into the system was definitely not an option, even Junmyeon knew that much.  
"You don't need to be nervous," Junmyeon assured him from his position in the doorway, watching Chanyeol get a few, well-selected tools, "you won't be alone, Jongdae will go with you."  
Chanyeol's fingers froze over a container with little adapters. Great.  
"Not good?" Junmyeon asked immediately. He just knew Chanyeol too well.  
"Oh no, I was just thinking whether I'll take the SATA adapter with or without additional IDE port. But yeah, better safe than sorry, huh?" Chanyeol distractedly mumbled.  
"Oh. Yeah, sounds like a good attitude." Junmyeon replied vaguely.  
It was a rather stupid statement, but he’d shamelessly exploited the fact that Junmyeon's brain short-circuited as soon as an acronym was on the table.  
Yes, Junmyeon was a very good leader. Still, sometimes he could be really slow. Not that Chanyeol blamed him. Keeping track of everyone was hard enough already, add their interpersonal relationships and Junmyeon could quit organizing crimes, being too engrossed in drawing character charts with arrows, little bolts of thunder and hearts.  
Crossed out hearts.  
Chanyeol shook his head. He had to get ahold of himself. This was just a job and he was the one making things awkward.  
"Anyway, Jongdae will brief you on the exact setting and stuff. Meet him in the lobby at two o'clock sharp, got it?"  
"Yes, mom."  
Chanyeol felt like indulging his poor big brother and looked up to provide a clear target for Junmyeon's judging glare. After all, he had a pretty tough job already.

"Your cuffs are unbuttoned."  
Chanyeol's eyes flitted down instinctively.  
"...are they?" he asked, lifting the second wrist as well, to check a second time. Jongdae snorted.  
"No, they're not. You gotta calm down a bit, man."  
Chanyeol felt the tips of his ears turn red. Not nice.  
"Easy for you to say," he mumbled defiantly, awkwardly fiddling with the strap of his messenger bag, "you doing this every day."  
"Pfft, not every day. Junmyeon doesn't take that many clients." Jongdae scoffed, but it was all in good nature.  
"Do you wish he did?" Chanyeol asked lightly, mostly to keep the conversation going. It wasn't horribly awkward, and that was all he could ask for.  
Jongdae cocked his head from one side to the other, considering it with a tentative hum.  
"Hm... nah, I'm good."  
Before things had turned this weird between them, they'd spent a considerable amount of time together and though Jongdae wasn't big on talking about himself, Chanyeol had coaxed out one or two things on his background. Before joining Lucky, he'd been part of another union which was quite infamous and based in a nearby city. It hadn't been half as nice and human as Lucky, and Jongdae had told him that he'd only joined because his best friend had been born into it. Sadly, said friend had risen too highly with a lack of support, due to his birth status. People weren't willing to change according to his ambitions, and so they had taken him out themselves - Jongdae had been vague about it, but Chanyeol assumed he had died. They had caused the death of one of their very own members. The thought had Chanyeol shuddering. It wasn't unheard of, but it was something Junmyeon would never even consider. Even if members weren't very active or showed contrasting opinions, they were still part of Lucky. Like Yixing, their former main doctor, who spent most of his time overseas nowadays, for personal reasons - he may not actively take clients, but the moment he returned, he seamlessly blended into their family, because that's what a union was for, right?  
Jongdae had clearly experienced differently, and after the loss of his friend he took the next best chance to make himself sparse. Of course he still had to live off something, and after a while of keeping a low profile, he found himself sitting in Junmyeon's office.  
Long story short - this city wasn't Jongdae's home, not really. Though he liked to argue that the union was his home, complete with a cheesy wink. Still, Chanyeol knew he lived in a hostel somewhere downtown, and no matter how nonchalant he acted, he had to have some lonely moments.  
"So... what are you up to these days, then?" Chanyeol asked carefully. Now, that we aren't hanging out so much anymore, was left unsaid and yet clearly audible. Jongdae shrugged.  
"Ah, you know. This and that. Binge-watching series. Torturing myself at the gym to keep up with the others. Carrying the grocery bags of old ladies. Just regular stuff spotless citizens do."  
Chanyeol wanted to snort, if not for the fact that he could actually see Jongdae doing stuff like that. Before Chanyeol's awkwardness could manage to infect both of them, their target came in sight - a large office complex, all glass and shiny metal.  
Now their goal was to get inside and get access to their computer system. Jongdae told him about how he'd been there before to scope out his surroundings, and how he'd found a supposedly great spot to hide and wait until everyone was gone. Chanyeol had quietly complained, had asked about the security cams and the risks, but at the end of the day, Jongdae was the experienced con artist and he had to trust him on this. And while Chanyeol was indeed a nervous wreck, he did kind of trust the shorter one, and smiled brightly at all the employees buzzing around them as they were escorted to the top floor. Jongdae said that he usually didn't write scripts, since they limited his 'freestyle' ability, as he'd put it. Still, he'd written down some notes for Chanyeol, which the latter had read and reread to the point where he almost knew them by heart. They were led into a spacious office area with a few flimsy waist-high walls being the only thing that alluded to the idea of privacy. It was probably supposed to look modern, like constant teamwork was going on, but Chanyeol knew it must be a nightmare to work in a nine to five job like this. Constantly surrounded by other people, being both seen and heard at all times. All these thoughts reached him fleetingly as he blindly followed Jongdae, who merrily chatted with one of the higher ups. A lot of employees looked like they were glued to their monitor, expressions bleached over the years of bright screens. Office zombies. Chanyeol shuddered.  
They'd settled in the man's personal office to talk, and so far, things were running along smoothly. This was probably thanks to Chanyeol not really participating.  
It was so comforting, to have Jongdae with him. He just had a knack for conversation, and before diving into a fake business proposal, he'd excused Chanyeol as his little newbie, freshly graduated from university and still in the state where everything was absorbed with big, curious eyes. He made him look endearing instead of suspicious, and just because it was Jongdae, it worked. He led the talk so smoothly, so naturally, that Chanyeol felt inclined to believe he'd actually worked for the business they were supposedly representing. Nothing could shake him, not even the remark of the guy across them, asking about another employee, an old friend of his. Jongdae didn't bat an eyelash as he stuck to phrases which genuinely didn't let on that he had no idea what this representative was talking about.  
No matter how much he trusted Jongdae though, he was glad when it was over. Glad and terrified, because now they were supposed to hide somewhere? Jongdae bid the man farewell, insisted on them finding their way out alone, and then Chanyeol awkwardly stumbled after him, his messenger bag gripped tightly. The office was deserted, as it was lunch time. There was not a single employee to be seen who had stayed behind. Yes, office zombies, indeed. If you had no passion for your work, you probably stopped caring very quickly.  
They were about to leave the office when Jongdae nonchalantly took a turn to the right, opening a door in one of the flimsy, but decorative, high stand up walls that served no other purpose than modernizing the place. Closing the door behind himself, Chanyeol followed along as they walked right into the narrow space between the room's wall and this extremely thin one. Chanyeol felt his heart beating in his throat, even if that shouldn't be possible, as Jongdae placed a finger to his lips. Be quiet was the obvious message. Now 'quiet' was one of those words Chanyeol usually only got to enjoy in imperative, directed at him. And there was a reason for that. Still, Chanyeol tried his best not to cause any noise and followed Jongdae around a corner. The floor was dusty, and Chanyeol noticed how spotless the carpet looked. Clearly, people didn't bother sneaking around here. As soon as they were hidden from sight, Jongdae stilled, and that alone had Chanyeol almost jumping in nervousness. Turned out that the shorter one was merely listening for any sounds and when there were none, he swiftly pulled off his shoes. Chanyeol followed suit and with their shoes in hand, they kept walking. Socks on carpet were much better and Chanyeol was surprised at how little noise his clothes made, wondering whether con artists wore garments made of certain fabrics only. Jongdae padded ahead, stopping just short of another corner which shielded them from a gush of natural, bright light. There must be a window behind it. Chanyeol guessed that they were as far away from the gap they'd entered through as possible. Jongdae carefully placed his shoes on the carpet, proceeding to do the same with Chanyeol's shoes and bag, when a door opened somewhere. Chanyeol froze in place, head instinctively lowered - suddenly self-conscious his brown curls might peek out, after all. A comforting palm was placed on his upper arm and his eyes found Jongdae's, who calmly shook his head, non-verbally telling him not to worry. Yes, being with Jongdae on a job was very different from having the latter chat him up perpetually. It felt like he was permanently teetering around the edge of casualness and professionalism. Still, right now Chanyeol was convinced it was pure-blooded professionalism to a point where human behaviour had become a genuine part of it; he effectively embraced the social aspect and that was probably the reason Chanyeol was so inclined to rely on him. Jongdae wasn't only steady and safe, he was warm and caring, and no matter the circumstances, he rather enjoyed this attitude directed at him.  
The sound of steps wandered through the office and it dawned on Chanyeol that of course, it must be the guy they had been talking to earlier going to lunch. They waited until he'd left and Jongdae gracefully sank to the floor, back against the wall, patting the space next to him with an easy, inviting smile.

It was an entirely new experience and Chanyeol could hardly count the number of times he's vowed to himself never to leave his wonderful workroom ever again. He clearly wasn't made for outdoor missions.  
The minutes turned to hours as they preserved, sitting there while nothing but a two meter high cardboard wall separated them from the bustling office. It kept him on edge, because really, this was a fucking risky position they were in - one traitorous sound and they were done for. People started filing into the office at around one in the afternoon, and now that it was four o'clock, Chanyeol's limbs were aching incredibly badly. He didn't even dare moving them too much, since he feared his bones might crack. If it hadn't been for Jongdae's little gummy box of hard candy, Chanyeol was sure his stomach would have started rumbling by now, and really, how did Jongdae do this on a regular basis? This was torture. But unlike him, Jongdae seemed completely unaffected. They were sitting so close that their sides almost touched and the more time passed by, the less focused Chanyeol became. He'd never been able to keep his focus for too long on one single thing, and though he still didn't dare moving a muscle, but gradually, his thoughts began to wander. Four hours were an awfully long time, and Jongdae didn't really attempt to communicate with him. Chanyeol's phone was turned off, for obvious reasons, and while Jongdae's wasn't, he'd only typed in a text once, telling him that they had to hold the position until everyone was gone and that he ought to let him know if he had to sneeze or anything.  
Chanyeol definitely discovered a new type of admiration for Jongdae, who had seemingly thought of everything, even though he'd appeared so carefree until they entered the building. It was slightly embarrassing that he had to take all these precautions in case an amateur like Chanyeol wouldn't mess up, but it definitely eased his nerves.  
While they were silently sitting there, Chanyeol was pretty sure that under the regular circumstances, Jongdae would alleviate the boredom by bothering Chanyeol now; not by talking, obviously, but via text messages. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now that they were both in the same boat, and Chanyeol had rejected his advances, things were different. He'd wondered whether Jongdae would just bother someone else, but it didn't appear to be the case - maybe he was too busy babysitting Chanyeol.  
The more time passed, the more sleepy Chanyeol became. Focused thoughts turned to bored complaints until even those ebbed down.  His mind was becoming frazzled and he finally dropped his eyes close, enjoying the relaxation it brought. The bustling of people around him became a distant white noise as he tried to keep himself awake by thinking. About Jongdae, mostly. Not only because he usually did, in the pleasant glow of lazy, numb thoughts drifting off to kiss his mind good night, but because for once, Jongdae was right next to him.  
So close, yet so far. Chanyeol regretted turning him down so much. So, so much that he actually considered taking it back. He imagined holding him back before they'd part ways later, telling him that he'd lied, that he was indeed gay. He'd sworn to never do that, but maybe they could have sex, as long as Jongdae didn't expect him to be on top. It could probably work and no matter how uncomfortable, Jongdae would surely cuddle him afterwards, right...?  
His head dropped a few centimeters, before Chanyeol caught himself last second from truly falling asleep. His brows scrunched together unhappily. He was so tired.  
All of a sudden, a hand found its way into Chanyeol's hair, and his eyes fluttered open lazily. Jongdae didn't give him time to react and gently, but surely, pushed Chanyeol's head into the crook of his own neck. Despite his burning cheeks, Chanyeol complied. Yes. This was much more comfortable. He probably had to blame it on his fuzzy mind, but right now it felt like they were together, after all. And it was nice. His hand came to a rest on Jongdae's lower arm, fingers brushing over the fabric of his dress shirt. Just to be comfortable, he'd tell Jongdae afterwards. Just to exploit the moment, he told himself. From there on, he was drifting in and out of sleep. Whenever his breathing became too deep, Jongdae would gently keep him awake by petting his hair or playing with the fingers rested on his arm. And whenever Chanyeol was tugged back from his hazy dream land, his thoughts would find a new, Jongdae-centered incentive they'd follow until blurring into odd dream sequences.  
Did Jongdae do this for everyone?  
Wasn't he tired?  
Was it enough to be close friends?  
The next time he wasn't roused by Jongdae. Lonely, breathy laughs echoed into the room and Chanyeol opened his eyes, rubbing them with the hand that wasn't attached to Jongdae. The sun was beginning to set and judging by the time of the year, it was probably around half past eight in the evening. A woman giggled and shuffling followed. It sounded very close, as if she was right behind the wall Chanyeol was staring at. He slightly tensed against Jongdae and subtly snuggled closer into his neck. The noises were a little odd, not like paper on a table or long nails typing away with that irritating clacking sound. Giggles turned to harsh breaths and- oh no. Chanyeol cursed inwardly. Really now?  
An obviously male quietly grunted and now Chanyeol's befuddled brain realized that he was hearing the tell-tale sounds of a belt being opened.  
Why, he wanted to scream. Why did they have to make out right now, were they serious? This was truly, literally the last thing Chanyeol needed right now. Could anyone really have this much bad luck?  
Apparently, he could, for he was subjected to follow along the wet sounds and obscene slurping noises, paired with little moans sprinkled in between as both lovers reprimanded the other to be quiet once in awhile, in an excited, but hushed whisper. Yes, please be quiet, Chanyeol chanted, no, whined inside his head. The sounds were more than mildly disgusting and even though he didn't want to, they urged his imagination to follow along. He assumed she had blown the guy just now, but since he hadn't come thus far, they would probably-  
"Ahhh- fuck me..." a silent, but drawn out moan resounded and Chanyeol wanted to cry. He could only hope they were going for a quickie, and a nasty voice inside his head hoped they'd be caught. Just to stop the lewd, slick sounds that let him know exactly what kind of a pace the guy was setting. His head was still snuggled into the crook of Jongdae's neck and the situation had made the position a little awkward. He studiously avoided moving, after subtly arranging his arm in a way that would hopefully cover up his lack of an erection. After all, he'd told Jongdae he was straight. Straight people probably ought to be turned on by this. His gaze was kept low, too, but at a particularly tiny, strangled noise by the man, he felt the muscles in Jongdae's arm twitch. Without thinking, Chanyeol's grip on his arm tightened, and his eyes flitted down Jongdae's body, who was very much aroused by the scene. He could see it in the quite obvious bulge in his dress pants, and Chanyeol swallowed nervously. Although he was a hundred percent certain Jongdae wouldn't touch him without his permission, he still felt this lump of uneasiness at the sight. As if he wasn't reaching up to someone's expectations. But Jongdae stayed completely still, not even attempting to touch himself to alleviate the pressure, like Chanyeol saw in the movies. Like he sometimes had to do himself, if he was hit by an unfortunate case of morning wood. No, Jongdae simply sat there and a fleeting gaze told him that he wore a carefully schooled mask of indifference, though his pupils were slightly blown. Noticing Chanyeol's attention, he carefully pushed him back down against his shoulder without paying him a glance. It felt unusually dominant, probably due to his tight self-control and calm demeanour, and there was so much fluttering going on inside Chanyeol, that he wasn't sure how to interpret it.  
Was he nervous because an actually aroused Jongdae seemed foreign?  
Did he feel safe or not?  
With a drawn-out sigh, the woman finally came and after a few slippery sounds, the man followed suit. Chanyeol wanted to sigh with them, though for different reasons altogether. Finally, it was over. Fingertips brushed over his knuckles, startling him out of his reverie. It was Jongdae, and oh, when had he started clawing into his arm? Chanyeol guiltily loosened his grip, but instead of drawing away, Jongdae's hand stayed over his. He was still aroused, possibly more so than before, but before Chanyeol could tumble into another fit of worries, two fingers were poking his cheek, leading his face away to make him stop staring. He felt his cheeks burn up in shame immediately. Jongdae didn't appear to be angry or willing to mock him about it though, judging by the way he leaned into Chanyeol, pressing the side of his face into his brown curls. With his free hand, Jongdae typed away on his phone and Chanyeol expected a message for him, but instead, Jongdae pressed the green 'call' button, immediately startling Chanyeol. What was he doing?  
All of a sudden, a phone began to ring somewhere behind the wall, loud, shrill, and awfully close. Chanyeol's hiss would've probably been audible, if not for the hushed curse of the man.  
"Shit. Let's get outta here."  
"You think they know?" the woman asked in fear, that effectively killed a bit of the afterglow.  
"Don't worry, honey. Let's just go."  
They ignored the ringing phone, which stopped quickly after, and scurried out of the room.  
Chanyeol didn't dare move a muscle, even as the silence had began to feel like a thick, settled layer of dust on his body. After what felt like five minutes of waiting, Jongdae pulled out an object Chanyeol knew all-too well, a little prismatic device with a multitude of buttons. Jongdae graciously pressed all of them, because of course he would. The inconspicuous little thing emitted a sound that wasn't audible to the human ear, but disturbed possible microphones around them. At least it shouldn't be audible. With Jongdae going for all the wavelengths the device offered, Chanyeol heard a distinct ringing sound. Great, now he finally knew what tinnitus must feel like. He awkwardly drew away from Jongdae, massaging his ears as the other got up to his feet, stretching his limbs. It looked casual, much too casual Chanyeol soon found out, because when he attempted to follow suit, he almost fell over.  
"Woah there. Take it easy." Jongdae said in a voice so quiet, it was barely above a whisper, steadying Chanyeol's tall, but lanky frame. It made him acutely aware of the fact that Jongdae was still hard, and this was awkward enough as it was, so Chanyeol shirked away and against the wall instead. His legs were so numb, it took a few seconds to even feel a faint prickling sensation announcing that they were attempting to return to normal.  
"Alright, come on, the sooner we're done, the sooner we're outta here. I'm starting to get hungry." Jongdae mumbled and with vague nod, Chanyeol reached for his bag.  
"They switched off the cams and thanks to their sudden departure, forgot to turn them on again." Jongdae added with a smug little smile. Chanyeol must've missed that part while dozing. They walked around the narrow hallway and it turned out they were even luckier, for they found a second door that wasn't in immediate display of the entrance area. It was all going so smoothly, wasn't this weird?  
"How did you manage to call the phone on their desk?" Chanyeol asked one of the questions that were bugging him the most. After all, Chanyeol was the hacker, not Jongdae. Jongdae was the guy for practical use of technology.  
"Do you have all their numbers?"  
Jongdae chuckled, a hand on the small door handle as he looked over at him.  
"Only the one of the office's head. If you wanna fuck on a desk, it's gotta be the one of your superior, obviously."  
Yeah, obviously. Chanyeol wrinkled his nose in disgust, but didn't say anything else as he tiptoed after Jongdae. The office was deserted, but thanks to the season, it wasn't dark enough for them to need a flashlight. They navigated around the shadowy desks and Jongdae crouched on the floor, seeking comfortable coverage behind a particularly messy one. Without the room divider in the way, Chanyeol could clearly smell it now. Yikes.  
"Ugh. Does it have to be this one?" Chanyeol whined quietly, regretting his words immediately after. He'd been suspicious enough already, no need to give Jongdae more ammunition. The shorter one simply shrugged and nudged his side.  
"We talked about this, so stop being a baby you little prodigy hacker."  
Chanyeol clenched his teeth. Jongdae was right. The first option would obviously be the computer of their boss, but that one was probably much more guarded and if it was possible, they'd avoid going there. He tried not to think all the possible germs and prayed to god that they hadn't stained the carpet he was currently crouching on. He wasn't a germaphobe, but there were limits. Cum of strangers was so far beyond those limits, it shared a spot in his ranking with cat barf.  
"Come on, I'm really hungry." Jongdae hummed behind him and yes, he should hurry. This was his part. Chanyeol shook his curls, ridding himself of every useless thought. Time to live up to his name. Without quick movements, he pulled out a few devices like a tiny hard drive, a USB stick, adapter and so on. Everything was connected to the computer and by now, Chanyeol was basically sitting below the table, legs cramped into another uncomfortable position as he flicked on the USB stick and with his little wireless remote control, chose the first program. He'd written numerous scripts to locate and get access to the data they were searching for over the years. Old ones, new ones, Chanyeol brought them all, and a few ones he'd tweaked for this job in particular. The question was merely which one would do the trick.  
"We're pretty lucky those two decided to do the nasty right this day." Jongdae offhandedly mentioned and a look at the shorter one told Chanyeol that his eyes were attentively trained on the entrance area.  
Pfft. Lucky wouldn't be the first term coming to Chanyeol's mind. He looked at the tiny display on his remote control, telling him that the program was running, searching for a gap in the system to slink through. Waiting was the worst.  
"They saved us quite some trouble by switching off the cameras."  
Alright, that couldn't be denied.  
"You're just unfairly lucky overall, aren't you?" Chanyeol retorted and their eyes met in the semi darkness.  
"Every aspect of your situation can be turned to an advantage." Jongdae replied smoothly, and even in the dim light he could see the boyish grin tugging at his lips.  
"What would you have done if they hadn't switched them off, then?"  
Jongdae shrugged.  
"I would have found a way. Improvisation is the key."  
With a soundless snort, Chanyeol turned back to his display, though only his eyes were paying attention. His mind was recollecting all the times Jongdae had been on a mission and had been terribly fortunate, like now. Whenever he did a job, it would seem effortless and easy, but not in the professional, calculated manner members like Minseok or Soojung displayed. With Jongdae, it always seemed like he was winging everything, completely unfazed and quick to adapt. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was just skilled enough to twist the situations to his advantage.  
"You didn't seem all that impressed by the private show they gave you." Jongdae casually mentioned, and just like that, the atmosphere had turned. Chanyeol froze.  
The program froze, too. It took a bit of uncoordinated blinking before Chanyeol's brain decided that the program came first, and he chose the second one without too much thought.  
Of course Jongdae had noticed it. _He noticed everything._  
"Not even particularly happy, to be honest." Jongdae added slowly, waiting for Chanyeol to show a reaction and backed into a corner, Chanyeol broke down.  
"I lied." he whispered with his back to Jongdae, hunched together and clasping the little device tightly as all his muscles went rigid.  
"I lied, I lied, I lied-" he whispered over and over again, regret pressing the air out of his lungs, "I'm not into women. I'm sorry."  
He didn't dare face him now, eyes glued to the display, mindlessly taking in the black progress bar.  
"You..." Jongdae began slowly, voice too quiet to interpret the emotional nuances in them, "...are the most confusing person I ever tried to take out on a date, you know that?"  
Chanyeol bit his lip and felt horrible. He hadn't only messed up once, no, he wasn't even capable of keeping up a simple lie. How could it come to all this, why did he sort of give in to Jongdae?  
Sensing the violent change in him, Jongdae ceased the talk. Instead, Chanyeol felt a warm palm on his back and almost bumped his head into the table in shock.  
"Let's just finish this job first, alright?" he said in a soothing, gentle tone. "Don't you worry about anything else but the delicious, hot pizza I'll treat us to later, okay?"  
Chanyeol wasn't feeling particularly hungry anymore, but he nodded nonetheless.  
Over the span of the next minutes, Chanyeol was relieved to find the second script being executed without a hitch and half an hour later, Jongdae led them down and snuck out through the delivery entrance. With the fear of being discovered and the equally great fear of the impending confrontation, Chanyeol's brain shut down to the point that he did nothing but silently follow along. He could still feel the warmth of Jongdae's palm, which hadn't left his back throughout the entire data transfer, rubbing soothing circles into his dress shirt with his thumb.

 

"Okay, gimme a few seconds to think this through and a slice of yours, cause _damn_ , that smells amazing and I never even thought of adding egg." Jongdae said around a mouthful of his Hawaiian pizza. Wordlessly, and quite frankly, a little helplessly, Chanyeol offered him a slice.  
"All this holding out is the worst, right? I went fifteen hours without food once. I was scared shitless that my stomach would start rumbling!" Jongdae merrily stated, sounding not that bothered at all.  
Chanyeol shot him a wry smile, nibbling at his slice. There were many ways to deal with conflicts - some went right for confrontation, others pretended nothing ever happened, and some people cringed themselves through the whole thing, like Chanyeol. And then there was Jongdae, separating the personal conflict from anything else completely, in such a natural fashion. He only brought it up after half of his pizza was gone and the second glass of iced lemonade had arrived.  
"Okay, so let me get this straight." Jongdae began, leaning back into the cushioned bench. Chanyeol sat up straighter like a kid awaiting a scolding.  
"You lied to me about your sexuality... because you couldn't stomach rejecting me directly?"  
His words were slow, tentative, and while he had every right to be angry and accusing, Jongdae sounded rather hesitant. He knew something was off about this theory. There was no way out now.  
"No. It's just... I don't 'like'... anyone." Chanyeol murmured, trying very hard not to look at the fiddling fingers in his lap. The confusion didn't leave Jongdae's face immediately.  
"Like an, what is it called," he began, snapping his fingers, "aromantic?"  
He looked rather proud of having remembered the term, but Chanyeol merely shook his head.  
"It's- I’m asexual." he corrected in a tiny voice, and Jongdae's mouth formed a little 'o', as understanding finally lit up his features.  
"So... romance yes, sex no?" he asked slowly, in an 'I'm just making sure'-type of voice, and Chanyeol nodded hesitantly, unsure of what to expect. Of course Jongdae would surprise him, he usually did.  
"So _that's_ why you showed no reaction when I practically had my ass in your lap?" he asked, and Chanyeol was glad that there was no one nearby to overhear his shameless choice of words. He blinked. Jongdae looked... satisfied?  
"Man, that's the band aid my ego needed. You were actually making me self-conscious and that's saying something." he continued, and Chanyeol spoke up before he could help it.  
"It's not you! You're amazing. If I wasn't... well, _me_ , I know I would have reacted more- more appropriately."  
Jongdae looked mildly amused at this, and Chanyeol felt the tips of his ears turning red.  
"Because getting a hard on in public if a random dude rubs up on you is considered an appropriate reaction, yeah?"  
"You're not a random dude..." Chanyeol protested quietly, almost petulant.  
"So how does it work for you? You don't get aroused by anything at all?" Jongdae asked, not missing a beat as he took a deep gulp from his drink. Chanyeol hesitated.  
"Would you discuss the details of your sexual preferences just like that? In public?"  
Jongdae smacked his lips, just to purse them afterwards. It was adorable and Chanyeol followed the motion a little too attentively.  
"With you? Well, yeah. Sure. But I can see how I might not be the norm, so..." he trailed off, fingers absently drawing swirls into the perspiration on his glass.  
"Maybe another time, yeah. Anyway. I'm still up for it, so what do you say?" Jongdae quipped, as if the whole discussion had never taken place. Speechless, Chanyeol stared at him, only to get an expectant look in return.  
"Did you really get what I was saying?" he asked carefully and it was Jongdae's time to show mild confusion.  
"You are kinda interested in me, but you don't do sex. Got it."  
"That doesn't mean I'd be happy if my significant other had sex with others." Chanyeol added in a meaningful tone that was completely lost on a shrugging Jongdae.  
"That's not too strange." he simply said, and Chanyeol shook his head.  
"You shouldn't just agree like that. It's a big deal - you should think this through."  
Jongdae sat up a little straighter, placing the glass aside. His eyes wandered to the ceiling in mock-thought.  
"Okay? Aaand... I'm done. So-"  
"Jongdae, please. Can't you take me seriously?" Chanyeol all but begged, and he saw Jongdae arching his brow.  
"I am taking you seriously." he stated and okay, now he was slightly annoyed. Chanyeol had never seen Jongdae being actually irked. Had he hit a nerve?  
"I feel like you don't take me seriously. Is it so hard to believe in me?"  
No, Chanyeol wanted to say. He wasn't doubting Jongdae's resolve, he was merely concerned for his happiness in the long run. If he accepted this proposal on a whim and one day decided that he needed sex after all, and would stay with Chanyeol out of pity-  
"Are you sure it's not _you_ who needs time to think this through?" Jongdae cut off his thoughts, crossing his arms on the table, the meal completely forgotten by now.  
"I feel like you're the one who is worried the most, not me."  
"Well, what is there for you to fear?" Chanyeol retorted stubbornly, angry at the lack of understanding, "you wouldn't have to worry about one day not being enough anymore."  
With a disbelieving huff, the tension left Jongdae's shoulders.  
"Okay, now you're just being unreasonable. Selfish, too. Pretty much a jerk, if I may say so."  
With shaky fingers, Chanyeol reached into his messenger bag to draw out a bill.  
"Then you can probably consider yourself lucky that you're not stuck with me." he muttered, placed the money on the table and scurried out of the restaurant before he could get any angrier, without looking back.

 

"Stupid, stupid, _stupid_!"  
With those muttered curses Chanyeol kicked an innocent pebble (and regretted it right after, because he almost hit an old lady, who looked not amused).  
Damn his temper. Why did he have to be such a hot-headed idiot sometimes? This was the reason why he and Jongin weren't allowed in the same room without an 'adult', as Junmyeon had phrased it on that stupid white board listing their "company rules" - Chanyeol was just as bad as Jongin, regarding the flares of temper.  
But unlike Jongin, Chanyeol's moods were fickle, and his anger subsided almost as quickly as it came. Halfway home, he was already tempted to turn around, to run back and apologize.  
Jongdae had been right. He'd been an insensitive prick. By telling Jongdae that he had nothing to fear, he'd not only flatout insulted him, no, he'd basically confirmed that sex was all that counted. As if Jongdae himself wouldn't have to fear Chanyeol might stray and fall for someone else. The longer he thought about it, the more he realized that if he were in Jongdae's position, he'd be even more afraid to lose an asexual person, since he certainly lacked the means of sex to keep their relationship exciting.  
He ruffled his hair in frustration. This was so confusing. He couldn't predict the outcome of this, but one thing was certain - Jongdae had been right in every word, and he had to apologize. He came to a halt, breathing a little labored as he'd been sprinting a bit of the way to vent his frustration. Restless pats over his pockets gifted him with the realization that he was still ridiculously dressed up... and had forgotten the messenger bag at the restaurant.  
After a moment of consideration, Chanyeol decided to go home. Judging by the time and the state of Jongdae's pizza when he'd left, there was no way he was still there. The moment he arrived at their main quarters, he went to Junmyeon's office, where Jongdae's number was saved in the speed dial menu.  
He didn't pick up, even if he had to have assumed it was Junmyeon calling.

 

The next day, Junmyeon woke him by knocking on his door until the bundle of misery opened the door, rubbing his slightly red eyes.  
"Downstairs, half an hour. We have something to discuss."  
This had Chanyeol sober pretty quickly, regardless of his emotional dilemma. Despite all the fuss he could put up, no one dared underestimate or mock Junmyeon in his 'leader' mode. Ten minutes later had Chanyeol blearily slumping in his seat in their conference room. After all, half an hour by _leader_ Junmyeon meant 'right the fuck now, half an hour only goes to those who are coming from the other end of the city'; Chanyeol had learnt to read the signs, remnants of childhood conditioning. Almost every member shuffled in during the following minutes, in different stages of disarray - Soojung looked unhappy, but awake alright, probably ripped away from her morning sport. Jongin looked more asleep than awake, Luhan wore his shirt inside out, Minseok looked ready to take on the world, and Baekhyun's disheveled hair and smudged make up left no doubt about where _he_ came from. Certainly not his own home. Oddly enough, Jongdae wasn't present. He had once mentioned not living too far away and even though he was a newbie, he wouldn't just skip a meeting, would he?  
When Amber bustled inside, it was with an apologetic greeting, ripping her headphones out and slipping into the chair across Chanyeol in one swift motion.  
Junmyeon finally entered the room from where he'd been restlessly pacing and making calls next door.  
"Good morning to all of you."  
Sehun sharply nudged Jongin, who startled awake and lazily attempted to straighten his posture, only to rest on the table instead. Chanyeol couldn't blame him. He was still staring at the couple empty chairs at the end of the table, as if one of them had been personally designated for Jongdae. Where was he? There were a few members who were obviously too busy to make it, seeing as only about fifteen people were present, but as far as he knew, Jongdae had no schedule today.  
Whatever it was, Junmyeon didn't seem inclined to wait for him. He rested both palms on the table, a serious look on his face as he regarded all of them.  
"We have a problem. A traitor."  
This called a reaction of overall exasperation over additional work, annoyed groans competing each other from every corner of the table. Junmyeon shook his head.  
"Not like that. One of our own."  
Chanyeol could only blink in shock as the whole atmosphere around him turned instantly. He saw Luhan urgently rubbing his eyes and blindly reaching for Minseok's coffee with a low curse. People looked around the table helplessly, and the way the perfect balance of trust was being tipped had an immediate effect on Chanyeol. This wasn't right. Junmyeon knocked on the table until all eyes were on him again.  
"The person in question isn't present, so please relax. We have no enemies among us."  
"Then who is it, Junmyeon?" Kyungsoo spoke up impatiently, being one of the very few members who were close to Junmyeon on a personal level. Chanyeol watched him massage his forehead, avoiding their eyes. A clear sign of distress. He wanted to hug him, but right now, he was nothing but another member of Lucky, and staying in line was what Junmyeon needed him to do most.  
"Jongdae. It's Jongdae."  
This caused a flurry of different reactions, led by a loudly complaining Baekhyun.  
"I knew it! We trusted him too easily, he was still way too new for all this shit!"  
Chanyeol just stared ahead, feeling like a bucket of cold water had been emptied over his mind alone. A tentative palm on his upper arm had him looking at Soojung, but even the masked worry was a little too much and Chanyeol shied away from the touch.  
Jongdae had betrayed them? But-  
"Why? What happened?" Minseok voiced his thoughts out loud and miraculously enough, the others toned it down, because when Minseok _did_ speak up, people listened. Junmyeon still avoided their eyes, shielding them with his palm.  
"His loyalty never left his previous union. He's returned to them."  
No, he didn't. That wasn't true.  
He'd said he hated it there. It couldn't have been a lie.  
"Together with an alarming amount of information about us. He even has everything Chanyeol took out of CJ Corp. yesterday. God knows what else."  
Shit, the data he'd forgotten yesterday. Jongdae had taken it?  
But... this was wrong.  
"I'm sorry guys. It was a lapse of judgment on my part."  
At this, even agitated Baekhyun seemed to calm down.  
"Everyone makes mistakes. We'll live." he announced soothingly. At the end of the day, they all loved their leader, and this was the first serious mistake he'd made in his position.  
"I just had to tell all of you, so you know where you stand with him. If you could leave for the time being, I could gather the facts with everyone who's worked with him over the past two weeks, so we can plan our next steps."  
Kyungsoo ushered them out, acting as the secretary Junmyeon occasionally needed. Meanwhile, Chanyeol stared at the world around him with glassy eyes, as if it was moving in time lapse mode. Surreal, all of it.

Two hours later, Chanyeol fell into his bed with a heavy sigh. The last hours were the most exhausting ones he could remember having had. Ever. Part of him was still in disbelief over Jongdae's supposed betrayal, and discussing his whereabouts with the others, who seemed much more inclined to believe it, had hurt.  
He blindly fumbled around the floor until he found his laptop and mashed a few keys to rouse it from its standby mode. When the comforting buzz had steadied, he hauled himself into a sitting position, the device perched in his lap. Jongdae still had his phone, right? Obviously, Chanyeol would see to it that his personal phone couldn't be tracked. Still, he could write him a message. He should probably ask him what he'd been thinking, why he left. Anything like that.  
_I'm sorry_ , he typed instead. _  
You were right. I'm the one who's scared._  
There was no telling whether he'd seen it or not, since he was technically texting himself.  
Needless to say, there was no reply either.

 

A week passed by and while every day should serve as further confirmation, Chanyeol still refused to accept the truth. The longer he thought about it, the less sense it made. Jongdae wouldn't just abandon them. He'd seemed so happy around them, and why would he even try to take Chanyeol out on a date if he wasn't planning on staying anyways? Soojung had only shrugged when he shared his concerns, carefully suggesting that maybe he'd asked him out for that exact reason, since Chanyeol _was_ the heart of the union, whether he liked it or not. Chanyeol was growing frustrated and finally turned to Junmyeon. His expectations were disappointed yet again when the other had offered him nothing but a sad shake of his head.  
"I know you've grown very attached to him," he'd said, in that patient voice of his, "but the signs are clear. He wasn't kidnapped, Chanyeol. You know how many safeguards we have to prevent this. He left on his own. You may think he was genuine, but he _is_ a con artist. I'm sorry, Yeol."

 

* * *

_  
I'm sorry, Yeol._  
The words still echoed through his head, and Chanyeol groaned in annoyance, both at the sudden rain and his thoughts. Of course he wouldn't have an umbrella, but what did it even matter? He could just take a shower when he got home and his fast food was packed, so no need to worry.  
His steps made sloshy sounds as he walked through the park, eyes trained on the muddy ground.  
He was sick of being treated like a kid. Why couldn't they see it? This wasn't about him being blinded by attraction. It really wasn't. There was only so much you could fake and... it just didn't feel right, like this. And what felt even less right was the fact that he'd never apologized. For once in his life an attractive and friendly person had pursued him so earnestly, that Chanyeol had actually peeked around the wall he'd built, to tell him the truth. And Jongdae hadn't even really bat an eyelash at it. How could he have possibly ruined this?  
His eyes were burning and while crying in public was pathetic, he was already soaked down to his underwear and lost all heart to care. There wasn't even any telling whether he was rubbing rain or salt water out of his eyes, anyway, warm and cold blending together seamlessly. When he'd rubbed the worst off his face, his eyes caught on to a lone figure approaching him, absently playing with a green umbrella. Chanyeol blinked.  
It was Jongdae, no doubt. The guy who'd gone missing and evaded all tries of Junmyeon to get in contact, was right here, leisurely strolling through the park right in front of their door step. What in the world...?  
The other's gaze shifted and their eyes met. Chanyeol's brain blanked out. What was he supposed to do? Keep him down, question him, threaten him?  
Would _Jongdae_ threaten him? They were enemies now, after all. He remained rooted to the spot, while Jongdae had never stopped walking towards him, eyes subtly flitting down Chanyeol's miserable appearance. A thousand possibilities were thrown to the wind and scrunched down by fat rain drops... as Jongdae passed by with a curt wave of his hand. Just like that. As if they were less than acquaintances. As if Chanyeol was a cashier or waiter Jongdae saw occasionally.  
"Wait!" he called after him, and to his surprise, Jongdae did stop in his tracks, half-turning towards him. There was a neutral expectation on his face that was so unlike the usual emotions playing with his features, that he felt foreign. It had Chanyeol hesitating.  
"You still have my phone." he finally stammered dumbly. Looking mildly surprised, Jongdae patted the pockets of his simple leather jacket.  
"You want it back? I don't have it with me."  
"No, but... I texted you. Me. I texted myself, but it was for you."  
Jongdae looked completely unfazed.  
"I know."  
"How can you be so indifferent?!" Chanyeol broke out, taking a step towards the other. Jongdae didn't even flinch, but then again, Chanyeol probably didn't look very scary right now.  
"I don't know what you want from me." Jongdae replied noncommittally and Chanyeol wanted to shake him, to confirm that he was real, because this really wasn't the Kim Jongdae he'd gotten to know.  
"I know that something isn't right, Jongdae. Do you need help? I know you wouldn't abandon us like this. There's more to this, isn't it?"  
To his surprise, Jongdae huffed, and indifferent features turned to unimpressed ones, as he twirled the umbrella in one hand, looking around in mock-thought. _  
"Mh, something is wrong, but I can't put my finger on it._.. doesn't that seem familiar to you? Sucks not to have a clue, huh?"  
Chanyeol physically flinched at the hostile tone, drawing up his shoulders. The fabric of his soaked hoodie felt like a wet, second skin.  
"I'm sorry... I know I messed up, but this isn't about me. I know you wouldn't leave just because of me. Because of us."  
"You're getting quite presumptuous there-"  
"Because unlike me, you don't run away from anything. You just confront it and solve it." Chanyeol cut him off, eyes lowered to the ground, lingering on a nearby puddle. The way the rain distorted the surface almost violently reminded him of how his tears could blur the world right now. He held them back.  
He barely heard it, the small, bitter laugh over the heavy white noise that was rain.  
"Hah. I did nothing but run away by coming to this city." Jongdae mumbled and two steps later, the deafening sound of rain shifted to a more dull noise, a thin layer of plastic protecting Chanyeol from the rain. He looked up to see Jongdae holding his umbrella over Chanyeol's head. With sure movements, he grasped Chanyeol's hand and placed it on the umbrella's grip. His dry skin felt blazing hot against his own, frozen fingers. He complied without thinking. A small, slightly sad smile tugged at Jongdae's lips, and his voice was controlled, but gentle nonetheless.  
"See you around, Yeol."  
Thanks to the umbrella, there was unfortunately no mistaking the hot tears on his cheeks anymore.

  
That evening, Chanyeol decided he was done moping and that it was time to do something. He wasn't sure what exactly, but heck, he wasn't Lucky's computer nerd for nothing. Since there were no ongoing operations, it'd be suspicious to do so at night, but a couple more hours wouldn't do any harm and he could spend the night brainstorming. Unfortunately, fate appeared to be working against him, as he awoke to a message from Junmyeon the next day. Today, of all days, he wanted Chanyeol to visit the CeBIT, the world's largest trade fair focused on information technology. Usually, he would have enjoyed the change of pace and spent his whole day there, analyzing new devices, talking to experts or just gathering inspiration. This year around, though, he'd completely forgotten all about it with Jongdae's sudden betrayal. With an unhappy expression, he followed the instructions on the message and opened his apartment door to find a fair pass dangling from the outer door handle. He took it, went back inside and carelessly threw it on the table. There was no way he would spend a day dawdling around some trade fair while Jongdae did... who knows what. What if his former union was threatening or even hurting him? He _had_ mentioned that they killed his friend. Without hesitation, Chanyeol logged into the security system and checked Junmyeon's position. Alright, he was inside his office. Perfect.  
Half an hour later, Chanyeol sent him a screenshot from some CeBit livestream, telling him something about how boring the presentation was. Junmyeon quipped back that this was the reason he'd failed at a number of school subjects and yes, he totally fell for it. The rest was a piece of cake, since if Chanyeol had a day off, so did everyone else. Junmyeon would never risk anything without technical backup. Only an hour later did Junmyeon himself leave, presumably to meet up with his girlfriend, and Chanyeol padded into his office, swinging the plastic bag of snacks and instant coffee back and forth.  
He didn't switch on the big monitors, cause whatever he'd put on them would cause distraction in one way or another. Just him, a cheap can of some energy drink, a coke and his computer. Alright. He began with some basic things like cheating his way around his own system to localize his phone - Jongdae might not carry it around at all times, but he probably hadn’t thrown it away either, so maybe he could find out his actual address. He definitely wasn't above stalking him to try and talk to him again. Nope, unfortunately he was that low.  
Noon passed by before he knew it -time was nothing but a digital number in this windowless room, anyway- and around two in the afternoon, Chanyeol hadn't made any significant progress. Obviously, there were no records about Jongdae, and Junmyeon liked to keep vital information to himself, where only a weakness of his own mind could cause it to slip. He had just begun to go through the security footage of a point close to the park when a window popped up on the bottom right, urgently blinking. A spark of panic was immediately put out by reason. A security breach in the middle of the day? Maybe Sehun had gotten the password at the entrance wrong; it wouldn't be the first time. He maximized the window, showing camera footage of the entrance area. A person had entered, followed by a few others, all dressed in black and wearing face masks. Shit.  
With jerky movements, Chanyeol switched on another monitor and his fingers flew over the keys. Second window to manually lock the rooms. Split screens for the other cams. Booting the communication system. Fumbling the headset on with his left hand. Calling Junmyeon. Panic was pulsing through his veins, ice cold and prickling. They'd been infiltrated before, but only by two people at most, and never when Chanyeol was _all alone_.  
Junmyeon picked up after the third ring and Chanyeol's eyes were glued to the people swiftly going through the entrance area. They were starting to notice that the doors around them were locked.  
"Chanyeol, look, I'm a little busy-"  
"There's someone in here, a group of people broke in!" Chanyeol hissed into the phone and the casual voice was swapped for panic immediately.  
"Why are you not at that fair-" he began, only to cut himself off urgently, "go to your apartment, _right now_!"  
Chanyeol watched them fumble with the locks. One, two, three, four people in total. No, wait, two more entered.  
"But they might destroy everything-"  
"GO, Chanyeol!" Junmyeon barked into the phone, but Chanyeol's attention had been caught by one particular camera. One of the intruders looked right at him, roughly pulling the last person around to press a gun to his head, and _shit_ \- it was Jongdae.  
Junmyeon's yelled instructions were immediately lost in a wave of white noise. They knew he was there and they threatened to harm Jongdae. Chanyeol had to stand in for his family, but the moment the man tugged at Jongdae, whose face contorted in pain, he reacted before he knew it. He opened the door leading into the hallway of offices, and the intruders advanced. All, except for the man holding Jongdae, who stayed positioned in front of the camera. The message was clear - the moment Chanyeol would stop cooperating, Jongdae was done for. Even if he was a traitor, which was highly unlikely at this point, Chanyeol could never cause his death. Never.  
"Junmyeon, they'll kill Jongdae, what am I supposed to do?" he shouted into the microphone, at least one octave higher than usual.  
"A hostage? We'll be there in a sec, _don't get yourself killed, Park Chanyeol_!" Junmyeon yelled, and he'd never heard him sound this genuinely scared. If even Junmyeon was thrown off balance, then what-  
"Hands away from the keys."  
His head flew up, only to watch right into the barrel of a gun. Shit. They'd found him already. With wide, unblinking eyes, Chanyeol followed, slowly raising his hands.  
"I dare you to make a single move." the guy said, and the open threat sent a prickling chill down his numb spine. Helpless. Chanyeol had never felt this helpless before in his entire life. While the intruder half-heartedly pulled the door ajar and crossed the room with broad steps, every comparable moment passed through Chanyeol's brain in a flash. Even back then, when his own parents had asked him to steal from a high-end union member, they had given him backup. Turned out they never intended to actually help him, but Chanyeol had known they were _there_. Right now, no one was anywhere near him. Only enemies all around and he was nothing but a techie who barely knew how to shoot a gun, much less had one.  
His eyes flitted between the different windows and com lines. The list of gray names was long, meaning that they were connected to the system and a few, colorful, blinking dots before the names subtly told him that they were talking to each other. His attention was still drawn in by the silent, gray letters spelling 'dino'. Jongdae.  
His headset was roughly ripped off and thrown aside.  
"You'll do what I say now."  
The gun was nudged into his hair once, and it had Chanyeol trembling. He couldn't think anymore, there was just panic clouding his brain.  
"First off, you'll shut down the security system. All of it. I want no more unwelcome surprises."  
With shaky fingers, Chanyeol complied. Slowly, so the guy would see exactly what he was doing. It took a few clicks to shut everything down. Shutting down the cameras meant losing control and all evidence.  
_Every aspect of your situation can be turned to an advantage._  
Chanyeol didn't know why he remembered Jongdae's words just now, but maybe his primal fear was grasping at straws.  
"The other programs, too. Just end everything." the voice gruffly added and Chanyeol stared at the com line window. The guy hadn't identified it as a part of their system. It must be looking like a chat program to an outsider, with all the cutesy animal names. Lucky for him, Junmyeon seemed to have picked up on the situation, and hadn't tried to talk to Chanyeol, not drawing any attention to himself. Obviously, Chanyeol _could_ take out their communication system. But since that guy didn't really get its purpose, Chanyeol merely logged himself out, dearly hoping he wouldn't notice it. The moment the program closed, he saw 'dino' flashing up blue, but then it was gone again. Jongdae. He couldn't do anything but think, _pray_ his name in his mind over and over again, hoping he was alright, hoping he wouldn't have to find such a sad end by this union that had once been a family to him, no matter how much he said it wasn't.  
All the windows were gone, all programs closed. A clear view on his desktop background. Chanyeol wasn't sure whether the fluffy tiger cub was tethering him or making the situation more absurd.  
"Now I want you to prepare all your data for me. I want background on your members, clients and connections. I want everything on a clean, separate hard drive."  
_Prepare all your data_. The techie inside Chanyeol scoffed, despite the state of hysteria he was in. What a totally vague demand. He still opened the prompt. Accessing the database was a piece of cake - Kyungsoo and Junmyeon did it regularly, keeping everything up to date. Despite Junmyeon's words, he probably had information on the members stored, after all. He'd save those for last, though. If he had the choice between their career and family, family came first.  
"How long will it take?" the man acquired and with a few quick clicks, he scrambled for a nearby hard drive, careful not to give the wrong idea.  
A window popped up, informing them that the copying process of the whole database would take seven minutes. The man huffed impatiently, but besides nudging the gun against his hair once more, as a reminder, he didn't do anything. Of course he wouldn't notice Chanyeol choosing the slowest port his computer had to offer. Behind him, the man started talking into his own microphone, a simple black button on his collar - something Chanyeol's schooled eye would take in without really realizing it.  
He asked how things were going and his audio must be really loud, since the reply reached Chanyeol's ears, a faint crackling noise. The guy chuckled obnoxiously and Chanyeol prayed that his fingers weren't itchy. Six minutes. In six minutes, he'd copy Junmyeon's files, maybe he could drag it out and pretend that hacking into his bosses files was more difficult than pressing two or three keys. Yes, maybe another six minutes, including the copying process of whatever he found there and maybe glossing over some folders, if he was sneaky. So that made twelve minutes, before this guy would shoot him. Twelve minutes for his last thoughts. Funnily enough, now that he was in this situation, his mind was wiped blank. There was nothing he deemed important enough to think about. No immediate regrets, nothing that needed closure. There was Jongdae, but at the moment it looked like none of them would get out of this alive.  
"Ah, that little bitch asked about you." the guy suddenly said, tone amused and condescending alike. "Can barely talk around the gun he's suckling on, but still asking about you. Precious."  
Chanyeol was itching to ask him what Jongdae had said, but he wisely kept his mouth shut for once. The image of a gun pressed into Jongdae's mouth was perverse and almost had him dry heaving.  
"It's not that easy to break him, so it's all the more fun if it happens. He sounds like he's grown quite attached to you, isn't that cute?"  
Chanyeol blankly stared at the progress bar that was advancing far-too steadily for his liking.  
"I'll make sure he gets to see how I shoot you. Heck, maybe I'll let him _do_ it."  
"He wouldn't." Chanyeol mumbled, yelping when he received a hard smack over the side of his head.  
"We'll see about that. Wouldn't be the first time."  
What was he talking about?  
In a surge of emotion, Chanyeol moved the mouse and canceled the copying progress. It took a second for the guy to even realize, and then the gun was back, painfully bumping against his skull.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed and Chanyeol felt like his own breathing was heavy enough to make him go light-headed.  
"I- stopped it." he stammered meekly. Scared, scared, _scared_. He was voluntarily ending his life, just like this. But what use would it be? Junmyeon would never get here in time, and even if he did, these guys would shoot Chanyeol either way, if only to take down as many members as they possibly could. And after he'd stop being of use, they'd shoot him anyway, in front of Jongdae. _He didn't want to die in front of Jongdae._  
"Start it again you little fucker."  
With glassy eyes, he stared at his monitor, trying to blur out the threats and rough shoves at his shoulder. Hoping it would be over quickly. There was a vague movement out of the corner of his vision and he blearily tried to focus on it. There, at the door he'd left ajar, was... a hand? It was rather dim in the room, but it definitely was the shape of a hand. Just above the carpet, sliding across the wall, probing, searching for something, revealing an oddly twisted wrist. It only took the clever fingers mere seconds to locate the switch and press it. With a reverberating sound that Chanyeol had never muted on purpose, the huge flat screens behind him lit up and filled the room. For a split second, he felt the guy twitching away from him in shock, and the door was slammed open. Instinctively, Chanyeol tried to duck behind his monitor, and a deafening shot pierced the air, followed by a slushy, gurgling sound behind him. Splatters of red were sprayed on his desk, dark red against artificially illuminated white. Loud thuds told him that the body behind him had fallen, possibly taking his second chair with it. His eyes skimmed the blood on the table, slowly turning-  
"Don't!" the voice yelled from the door, and he froze, his shocked mind numbly following every order without question at this point.  
"Don't turn around."  
His eyes searched the origin of the voice instead. The shot had temporary dulled his hearing, but it was undoubtedly Jongdae standing in the door, gun lowering. Familiar, handsome, _alive_ Jongdae. With swift steps, Jongdae crossed the room to stand beside Chanyeol, one hand carefully buried in his curls to force Chanyeol's gaze away from him and whatever sight there was behind him. Chanyeol let it happen.  
"Close your eyes. Just for a moment." Jongdae instructed and his voice was so steady and secure, his lids fluttered shut before he knew it. The fingers left his hair and though he hated it, he waited. _Holding out is the worst_ , his brain unhelpfully threw in. Funny, how he remembered all those mundane phrases of Jongdae during a time like this. He heard him heave up the body with a low grunt, heard him drag it through the room. A loud thud, his door was slammed close, and then a hand came to rest on his shoulder.  
"Room is secured, tiger is alive and kicking. I leave the rest to you guys."  
Fingers were kneading into his shoulder, and Chanyeol's eyes were really drawn in by a particular dot of blood on the monitor, right next to his mouse. Suddenly, a cheek was pressed against his, and he felt the muscles working as Jongdae spoke quietly.  
"Say something for Junmyeon, will you?"  
Chanyeol turned ever so slightly, eyes grazing Jongdae's collarbones where he was tugging at his shirt to offer his microphone.  
"Hi Myeonnie. You want me to switch the cams back on?" Chanyeol suggested lightly and shocked himself with how even his own voice sounded. Adrenaline working its wonders. Somehow, a lot of Jongdae's little habits made a lot more sense now. Jongdae withdrew his face, but stayed closely behind him.  
"Yeah, you can switch the security back on." he passed on Junmyeon's response.  
Starting the whole program was easy, a matter of two mouse clicks. Still, it would take a minute or so to boot, considering its size.  
His fingers never stopped touching him, fumbling with the fabric of his shirt, feathery touches wandering up the side of his neck, stroking his cheeks and petting his hair. Chanyeol wasn't sure which of them needed this the most.  
"The rest will happen on its own, it's just waiting now." Chanyeol informed him, and it seemed like Jongdae had waited for this, as he immediately began to tug at his upper arms. Chanyeol let himself be half-manhandled around the room and into a corner, where Jongdae pulled him down to sit with him. It was strange, how light his head felt, while his body was all wobbly. Jongdae attempted to have Chanyeol settle between his legs, but with a mewl of protest, Chanyeol pulled until it was Jongdae sitting in his lap, sideways.  
"You're too short." he mumbled and Jongdae huffed out a 'brat', before placing both arms around Chanyeol's neck, gently nuzzling into his hair. With a sigh, the tension slowly began to leave Chanyeol, and he allowed himself to be trapped between Jongdae and the wall. Jongdae's weight was solid and soothing. His hands unconsciously encircled the shorter one's waist, prodding until he found a way beneath Jongdae's shirt to rest on his lower back. The skin was slightly damp. Warm. _Alive_.  
"Are you not even gonna question what's going on?" Jongdae finally asked after a long period of silence. Chanyeol's grip tightened.  
"No."  
Jongdae actually chuckled at the petulant tone and the vibrations were a little harder than the ones from before. Only now did Chanyeol dimly realize that Jongdae, too, was trembling. That his muscles were tense beneath Chanyeol's fingertips. He was scared, too.  
"Those fuckers have been eyeing Lucky for awhile now." Jongdae began, explaining even though Chanyeol hadn't asked him to. Maybe it was his way to cover up fear.  
"Junmyeon wanted me to act as a double agent. Crawling back to them and acting as if I'd been planning to screw with Lucky all along, presenting all of you on a silver platter. No one was supposed to be in the building today. It was supposed to be a trap. We didn't know you were in here, until it was too late."  
Chanyeol didn't know whether to feel relieved that Jongdae had never betrayed them or angry over the fact that he, their so-called heart, had been left out of this. Jongdae seemed to pick up on this, because he picked up on everything.  
"Junmyeon only told them yesterday, I think, when he had a plan ready. We meant to simply use sleeping gas or something, but the whole... _hostage thing_ threw everything off balance. I'm sorry."  
Hostage thing. The way he said it sounded as if it didn't concern him at all. Chanyeol wanted to protest, tell him that this was his own, or at least everyone's fault, certainly not Jongdae's.  
"I'm sorry for abandoning you like this, Chanyeol. Junmyeon's call was very sudden. Came right after you left the restaurant. Sorry." Jongdae hummed, pressing even closer and it took the air out of his lungs, in a gratifying, pleasant way. Then he drew back and rested both hands on Chanyeol's shoulders.  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
"Only if I can ask a question as well." Chanyeol mumbled, looking up at those eyes which were so familiar and yet hid so many secrets. Jongdae nodded the go ahead, and it burst out before he could help it.  
"Did you shoot your friend?"  
The question definitely caught him off guard and forcefully revealed a whole palette of emotions he hadn't ever seen on Jongdae before. Hurt. Regret. Misery. Bright eyes flickered away, flitted over to the forgotten gun on the ground next to them, and back to Chanyeol.  
"Yes." he whispered, subtly bringing some distance between them.  
"He wanted me to. He smiled at me. I could tell you the story, but it doesn't matter. I actually did it."  
His fingers were running down Chanyeol's chest, the touch light. Hesitant. He was gauging Chanyeol's reaction. Expected, no, waited for Chanyeol to ask about details or push him away. Instead, Chanyeol hurried to place both palms on his shoulder blades, eager to keep him in place, the words _don't go away_ breathed out so carefully, they barely reached Jongdae over the steady buzz of his screens and computer.  
The other resettled a little, and though he looked drained, he wore a tiny, grateful smile.  
"What did you want to ask?" Chanyeol inquired curiously, and Jongdae chuckled, shoulders drawing up.  
"After you asked me such a question... you'll laugh at me." he mumbled with a self-deprecating grin.  
"Try me?" Chanyeol retorted, brows scrunched in confusion. Bright eyes flit down to his lips.  
"Is kissing okay with you?" Jongdae carefully asked in a voice barely above a whisper, showing rare, genuine hesitation caused by his own flurry of emotions. And despite everything, Chanyeol smiled.  
"Yes." he replied.  
"Very much okay."

  
  


* * *

  
Jongdae lazily popped a few gummy bears into his mouth as he passed by the kitchen. The undeniable advantage of sharing this huge ass apartment with Chanyeol was that after handing in his report, he could basically take the elevator and was home, just like that. This definitely evened out the downside of having your boss, a.k.a. your boyfriend’s nosy father, never too far away. Or rather nosy _mother_ , considering everything.  
He shook his head to rid himself of the thought and threw a glance at his watch. Yupp, he still had about an hour before Chanyeol was done with work. An hour he definitely shouldn't waste with thoughts on _Junmyeon_ because no, thanks. He fumbled open a few buttons of his shirt with one hand, since the other was occupied balancing a pack of tissues and lotions. Both items landed on the bed, bouncing a bit on the soft mattress. Jongdae huffed out a little laugh as he watched the items settle while opening the last buttons. He goodnaturedly mused about how much he felt like teenager in times like this. Still, he had long ago abandoned any feelings of shame (probably around the age of fifteen, when Minseok caught him watching gay porn for the first time), so he sank into the bed with a blissful sigh. Cool air reached him where the open dress shirt allowed it to. For a moment, Jongdae alternated between staring at the blank ceiling and closing his eyes, giving his body time to come down after an exhausting day. He waited, until his pulse had calmed down considerably, leisurely toying with his options.  
He'd have to actually get up and move if he wanted to watch porn, so that settled most of it.

There was no denying that getting off on your hand alone lacked a certain thrill, but Jongdae didn't mind as long as he _did_ get off, once in awhile. Sure, he wouldn't die if he didn't, but satisfying your needs was just so, well... satisfying. Chanyeol would raise a brow at his incredible wording, but he had barely ever questioned it. If any, it was almost comical how much Chanyeol expected every single person to be utterly, completely sex-driven. Half a year into their relationship, Chanyeol had gotten particularly drunk on a union intern party and told Jongdae to just sleep around. With shining, glazed eyes that were nothing but dead-serious he'd confessed how he changed his mind, how he trusted Jongdae so, so much, that it would be alright if he slept with someone else occasionally.  
It was the most endearing speech ever, and Jongdae was entirely too nice to tease him about it up to this day. Not about something he was so insecure about, he didn't have the heart for it.  
By now, he was mildly sick of the smell of this lotion. He should change the brand, maybe.  
Jongdae sighed contently, as his fingers began to work around the shaft, mostly teasing as he racked his brain for a scenario he was in the mood for. Not a shower one again. Maybe a threesome. Threesomes never got old.  
It wasn't like he had certain faces in mind, though Chanyeol had made it clear that he was okay with that. That he could think about anyone, even him, if he liked that, and it wouldn't change anything.  
Jongdae would be a filthy liar to say he never pictured Chanyeol writhing above or under him (he wasn't picky in that department), but definitely not in a threesome, god no. Even Jongdae's imagination didn't go that far. No, it was two strangers sandwiching Jongdae between them, hands roaming his body.  
At first, Chanyeol had hesitated a lot, had constantly walked on eggshells around him. Certain touches would made him wonder whether this was alright, whether he was teasing or leading Jongdae on, because apparently, this was his greatest fear. Unknowingly teasing Jongdae into something he ultimately wasn't willing to give and disappointing him. It was cute how clueless he was, considering he was far from innocent. After all, Chanyeol wasn't even a virgin and his libido was very much existing. It just worked differently from others and up to this day, one year into their relationship, Jongdae still hadn't pinpointed all of his little quirks. It was pleasant, discovering more and more of Chanyeol's inner workings, getting a feel for his boyfriend. To be honest, it was way more exciting than figuring out his previous partners, who'd been rather... simple. Jongdae considered himself to be playful and experimental in bed, and while Chanyeol might appear like the exact opposite to other people, Jongdae felt like he really wasn't. He may have a lot of boundaries, with the biggest being that penetration of any kind was a clear no -just like oral sex- and really rather disgusted him more than anything. But other than that, he was extremely considerate towards Jongdae's needs. He was really open-minded and non-judgmental regarding the means Jongdae used to satisfy himself, too. Once, Chanyeol had even offered to buy some toys with him, and though he hadn't taken him up on that matter yet, it was definitely not off the table. Body contact, different locations or even role play - Chanyeol wasn't ashamed to try it all and was rather eager to please (as long as it didn't get him too sticky). Sure, he had his off days, when he really just didn't feel like doing anything remotely sexual, but even then he'd never accuse Jongdae of being horny. At least with nothing more than a pointed look, before giving him some privacy. And it wasn't like Jongdae needed his assistance all the time-  
"I'm home!"  
Jongdae wanted to groan as his pretty fantasy of a boy sitting in his lap dissolved into thin air, but bit his lip instead. Really now? There was no way he'd been rubbing himself that long, and a look to his watch told him that Chanyeol was just early.  
"Gimme five minutes!" he called out and knew his voice let on what he was doing. Chanyeol didn't reply, and he interpreted it as an okay sign to continue. He heard the other pad around the apartment, heard running water in the kitchen.  
Ah, it was always a little difficult to get back into it after such an interruption if everything hinged on his fantasy, but he'd asked for five minutes, not one. He tried not to feel rushed, though he did want to greet Chanyeol and ask about his day - but he also wanted to get off, because it had been about a week, and he'd been _this close_ already.  
He was sitting there with his eyes closed, one hand tangled in the sheets as he fisted himself. The bed dipped, and he flinched in surprise as Chanyeol settled behind him, chin resting on his shoulder.  
"You don't have to-" Jongdae rasped out, cutting himself off halfway as Chanyeol's much longer fingers reached around to trail over Jongdae's hand, which slowly came to a stop -frustrating as it was- to see what Chanyeol was up to. His skin was slightly damp, presumably because he'd just washed it. He was rather particular with hygiene when it came to sexual acts. With gentle, but insistent prods, Chanyeol's fingers wormed themselves beneath Jongdae's, coaxing them away to take their place and lightly hold him. The teasing, feathery touch was almost too much at this point, and Jongdae couldn't help a low, quite pathetic mewl. He felt Chanyeol nose around his neck as his other hand traveled over his stomach, finding its way below Jongdae's undershirt - it always did.  
His grip tightened without warning and it was so much better than Jongdae's own hand, covering more area and applying an amount of pressure he hadn't realized he needed. He couldn't help the quiet groan, he really couldn't.  
"Shh." Chanyeol hushed, a gust of hot air against Jongdae's burning skin, and he felt himself twitching, a spike of arousal shooting straight down.  
"You're almost there." Chanyeol hummed, starting to move and _fuck_ , that was good. It had Jongdae squirming, thighs flexing and trying hard to stay in place. It was so... Chanyeol. This voice, low and soothing, completely oblivious to how tantalizing it was. The way he treated his sexuality like an unfortunate burden he had to battle, all but nursing him through it. It should be condescending, but Chanyeol merely meant to take care of him. He actually, genuinely meant this.  
"You're doing good. Just... a little more." Chanyeol whispered in a patronizing manner, leaving lasting kisses on his neck and god, it was hot. Letting Chanyeol take over, feeling small and vulnerable and being _good_ for him-  
Jongdae came with a low groan, one hand gripping Chanyeol's over his stomach, head thrown back to rest against the warm, solid frame behind him as Chanyeol caught his release, probably with a minuscule wrinkle of his nose. Jongdae took several deep breaths, one hand already blindly reaching for the tissues.  
"There you go." Chanyeol hummed, still nosing around his cheek and exploiting the fact that Jongdae was extra cuddly after experiencing an orgasm. There was no denying that, and Jongdae lazily peppered a few kisses on the side of his lover's face, wherever he could reach without turning around. Chanyeol loved kisses. Any place, any time, and as many as possible, please.  
He then proceeded to wipe Chanyeol's hand clean, careful to clean every digit meticulously, even though they'd both wash their hands in a few minutes, anyway. It was about the gesture more than anything.  
"I think I have a new kink." Jongdae sighed afterwards, snuggling back against Chanyeol, who hummed in a half-curious, half-anxious way, probably wondering whether he was able to play along with this new-found interest of Jongdae's.  
"What... is it?"  
Jongdae poked the arms encircling him.  
"You. You are my new kink." Jongdae all but purred, still very much content with everything in general.  
Chanyeol snorted.  
"What's that even supposed to mean?"  
"It means that I'm a very lucky guy." Jongdae hummed, wriggling a little in his hold, and _oh_? Was this what he thought it was?  
He bit back his impending grin and wiggled a little more, coaxing the tiniest noise of protest out of Chanyeol. It was Jongdae's time to chuckle.  
"You're hard."  
" 'm not." Chanyeol mumbled back, hiding his face between Jongdae's shoulder blades, a vain attempt to distract him. Cute.  
"Of course you're not, silly me." Jongdae singsonged, turning away just enough to be able to turn around and trail his finger down Chanyeol's thigh, shamelessly staring at the bulge in his pants.  
"Your pants just got reaaally tight."  
Chanyeol swatted at him half-heartedly, and Jongdae cocked his face to the side, looking contemplative.  
"That's actually new though." he hummed, absently massaging the others thigh and graciously accepting the way he tried to hide his face in Jongdae's chest. Chanyeol did have a libido, and he did get turned on once in awhile, but only under very specific circumstances. Actual sex for example, did nothing to him. He could sit the middle of an orgy and would probably just wrinkle his nose in overall disgust or roll his eyes in annoyance. He wasn't immune to touches though, and Jongdae had seen him sporting morning wood more than once. But other than that, it was extremely rare to see him react to anything, really. So this... was different.  
"You just moved around too much." Chanyeol complained, but it came out muffled from where he'd buried his face near Jongdae's clavicle, to avoid the other’s cheshire grin.  
"I barely moved at all, babe."  
"Jongdae... you're terrible." Chanyeol whined, and Jongdae actually took pity in him, ruffling the soft curls he adored too much for it to be sane.  
"I think it's really flattering, you know?" he offered lightly, but genuinely, and Chanyeol sighed in defeat. Really though. Having Chanyeol -of all people- get aroused by Jongdae was amazing. Basically the biggest, possible compliment he could think of.  
It meant that Chanyeol had grown to find him so aesthetic that his body actually protested against his mind. Jongdae was no fool though - just because his body showed a reaction, didn't mean that Chanyeol wanted to sleep with him. The body and mind were to be separated, after all. Getting aroused and having to take care of it really was nothing but a bother to Chanyeol, and Jongdae wouldn't dream of causing him this distress on purpose. But this... was too precious.  
"Want me to return the favor?" he asked, purposefully playful and devoid of lust. It was kind of a big leap to ask this now, of all days, seeing as the times Chanyeol let him touch him could be counted on one hand, and this was probably a step out of his comfort zone. To his surprise, Chanyeol drew back to shoot him a pouty look of mild exasperation.  
"Only if you wash your hands." he muttered, and Jongdae really had to bite back on his grin before his lover had a chance to take it back.  
"I always knew you're not asexual - you’re just a little germaphobe." he joked as he padded to the kitchen, the closest room with a sink.  
"Shut up! It's gross, okay?!" Chanyeol called after him, but it was all in good nature. He could hear him smile.  
Maybe it really was a little about germs, maybe it was not. Maybe it was about the pain and maybe Chanyeol's body just really didn't _need_ it. Maybe Chanyeol didn't perfectly fit into the definition of asexuality, considering that he just got hard from something that wasn't really a touch. And maybe, no, surely, all these definitions were shit anyway, Jongdae mused. After all, Jongdae had yet to find a category describing himself perfectly, and even if he did, he'd sure as hell not show it to Chanyeol - where would the fun in that be?  
Anyway. This wasn't about rules or definitions. This was about getting this obnoxiously citrus-scented soap off his fingers so he could make himself useful for once.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story was a lot of fun to write, and I don't have a lot to say, except this:  
> the original prompt was focused on asexuality, and it was my first attempt at writing about this topic. It was super interesting, because there are sooo many types of asexuality, just like with other orientations. There might be people like him, but also a lot of people who experience it differently, so please keep that in mind.  
> At the same time I wanted to portray them both as equals, meaning that Jongdae, too, is not to be condemned for having an active sex drive. You get the gist.
> 
> Let's all be respectful ♡
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt ♡


End file.
